The Sociopath: Handle with Care and Prayer

The sociopath is a guiltless, empty soul. Always on the prowl for potential victims. They are slick, don't ever doubt it. Many of them have learned
from a sociopathic parent. They have had years to sharpen their skills of treachery. The ones I've known were cold, conniving and above all, superficial. I have sometimes described them as stupid, but I only say that because I had them figured out. Gullible people would certainly not call them stupid, they would tend to believe their slick talk and see them as very wise I suppose. Gullible people admire them. Sociopath's know what you like to hear.
They know your buttons and they will push your buttons if you push THEM. The narcissist pushes your buttons to humor or amuse themselves, but the sociopath seems to have more deliberate reasons for doing so. Sociopaths I've known are allergic to work but always expect someone else to take care of their needs because they feel "entitled" to it. They seem to come and go in a frenzy.
If you get wise to them, they won't stick around for long. There is nothing they detest more than the dupe that has transformed into a wise man and now has figured them out.
They see no reason to be in the presence of one they cannot con. If you happen to get stuck with a sociopath as a family member, you will most likely take their shenanigans until you are weary and then throw up your hands and declare you've had enough. They don't care if this happens as they always seem to find "greener pastures" elsewhere (at least for a time). I've known sociopaths that tend to prey on elderly relatives. In their warped psyche, they see that the elderly are often alone, very lonely, and tend to welcome anyone into their lives who will shower them with attention.
A Sociopath thinks nothing is wrong in conning their elderly mother or father. They don't wince at taking advantage of their own children. These human parasites have no conscience. I have often wondered IF when they lay down at night, they might have an infinitesimal amount of remorse, sadness, call it what you like. But if this were the case, their remorse grows wings and flies away because in the morning they are right back to their old stunts again.
They are game players and risk takers. We are objects to them. They attempt to maneuver us around like checkers or chess pieces on their board of life! What are they hoping to accomplish by this? Their own self-gratification: Getting their needs and dreams met. Whatever the sociopath's "god" is, that is what he or she will strive to extract by using YOU. If their "god" is money, they will focus their time and effort on those who have it. If their "god" is drugs, they will use whomever they can to get the drugs. If it is fame, they will try to hobnob and rub shoulders with the very ones who can assist them in claiming that fame. You have nothing to offer them? You won't be hassled by them.
But it always seems that when they are really down on their luck and have fallen on hard times, they will look you up again. This brings me to one of the most important parts of this article. If you have managed to get rid of the Sociopath in your life, but at a later date they call you, knock on your door, look you up, please do NOT respond to them in any manner. I have learned this only after having wasted years of my life thinking that they had changed and giving them another chance.
I was one who answered that phone, I opened my door more than once and all because I thought they had "changed" for the better. I was always disappointed.

Handle With Prayer:

During one very distressing time in my life in which I was observing a sociopath attempting to con a relative they had already bilked financially in the past, I had a revelation. I sought God about how to deal with the drama and potential devastation this person might cause in my family. Prayer and a long talk with God was my answer. I learned I could not sit around worrying over what the sociopath might do. I now saw this more as a "spiritual" matter than a mental or physical one. When I've been in the presence of a sociopath there was always something in me that made me cringe. I have to be honest, I felt fear. Intimidation is one of the sociopaths weapons in their arsenal and they wield it like crazy. You cannot stop the sociopath. You can keep alert and not pick up the phone or open your door to them. Other than these things, you must handle them with prayer. You must pray that God would take away the FEAR you have towards them. You must pray that God would strengthen you if you happen to have a run-in with these people. You must pray that God would keep his hand of protection over you and your loved ones. And even though most people believe that the Sociopath will not change, you must pray for their salvation. You must pray that somehow (and only God knows how) that they will STOP using and abusing people, that they would cease wreaking havoc and misery in the lives of other people. There has been much debate over whether the sociopath can turn from their wicked ways, repent, and receive salvation. So take that for what it's worth. They have to come to grips with what they have done to others and suffer remorse from it. This is a tall order for someone who is enamored with themselves and views the rest of us as "dupes". They must grow a conscience where there has been none! See what I mean by only God knows how this could ever come to pass? You must keep a watchful eye over those the sociopath is attempting to con and to prey on, especially the elderly. Understand now that I have never known a sociopath to change. Just because I have not, that does not mean that it has NEVER happened. This may seem as though I'm being naive, I'm not, I am just following the biblical principles that we are to "Pray for all men".

They remind me of a roaring lion (the devil) in the bible.
1 peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

The sociopath devours people if allowed to. They will take from easy targets and when they have bled them dry of finances, shelter, assets, they will move on without the slightest tinge of guilt about what they have done. Sociopaths don't miss you. They only miss what you have to offer them.
I always stress that if you have a sociopath in your family, you must stay away from them and if you cannot, watch your back. You will suffer lack due to their "needs". You will have drama, tears, no rest, and a mess on your hands. The sociopaths that I have known won't take a moment of their time to listen to you speak. When you might get a word in, they instantly deny and blame you. They will blatantly lie in order to get this accomplished. I think they know good and well that others around them DO have a conscience, that we DO care about others, (including them) and they use this to their advantage.
I've witnessed these people getting some kind of perverse kick out of using and abusing others. This goes back to what the bible says about them having pleasure in doing these dastardly deeds and in others who do them.

Are they Reprobates?
It is my belief that those who have a seared conscience (sociopaths and some narcissists) are indeed the reprobates we read about in the bible.

Someone who looks an awful lot like the Sociopath is described in Romans 1 of the New Testament:
28: And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30: Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31:Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

In the book of Timothy, we are once again seeing a reference to the "reprobate":
2 Timothy 3

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (did you catch that? they despise those who are good).
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

The following scripture reminds me not only of the Sociopath, but of the Narcissist as well. Isn't it amazing that we are given an adequate description of these blood suckers in the Bible?
1 Timothy 4:

1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

Finally, for those who feel I am too rough on the Sociopath, may I remind you that at any time they have had the ability to change their behavior but opted NOT to do so. When we mess up, when we sin, we are SORRY for the sin and attempt to make amends with those we have hurt. Does the sociopath do this? The ones I've known have denied, projected blame, and arrogantly walked away. These people attempt to sway others over to their "side" in smear campaigns against others. If you find yourself the target of a smear campaign, stand firm and understand that if those you love believe the lies of the sociopath, they never knew you in the first place and without them in your lives, you are better off. Who needs someone in their lives (even family members) if they choose to believe the blatant lies that come from a sociopath? Your family and friends who are swayed by the lies of the sociopath are only being mesmerized by the best actors on the planet today. In time, those who were conned will feel like idiots when the mask comes off from the monster. We can only hope and pray that this unmasking happens sooner rather than later.

Elderly Narcissists: Any Hope for Improvement?

From what I've read, the jury is still out regarding whether a narcissist gets better or worse with age.
Based on my personal experience, my elderly narcissist "seems" better at times. However, just when I'm about to rejoice over her change for the better, and thank God for it, she will act out once again and throw me for another loop.
Before going into more details on my view of elderly narcissists, I want to give some background history of my dealings with narcissists.
My mother is a narcissist. She was a "queen" narcissist during her younger years and in her late 60's she transformed into a "hermit" type of narcissist. She stayed home, was glad for her isolation and demanded that we her "subjects" would wait on her hand and foot. But before this, when I was a small child, I lived in fear of my mother constantly. She cared only about her needs and what it would take to get them met and that usually involved using people. I always felt like I was in her way and as though I was a type of inanimate object. She would say things to belittle me. I could walk into the room looking like a million bucks and she would tell me how horrible my hair was or badger me about a wrinkle in my shirt. These frequent nit-picking sessions bothered me but I learned to live with them. She wanted me to fight with her, she wanted to get under my skin. I learned that when she would go full steam with the put-downs, I would respond with the following: "Oh really? Well, I'll have to fix that" (regarding the shirt wrinkle or my hair out of place). I am a Christian and had I not known God , Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit from a young age, it would have definitely put me at a disadvantage in dealing with my narcissistic mother.
You who have dealt with narcissists will understand that there is no "cure" for them so to speak. Over the years I had tried being super-nice to her. Treating her that way made her run over me all the more. I prayed for her, I took care of her every need and that didn't do any good. I have ALWAYS held out hope for my mother while constantly being on guard so as to not let her damage me and the ones I love. I cannot tell you the number of times I flung the phone across the room after having talked with her. I had to watch myself over the years because dealing with a narcissist can turn you into someone you don't want to be.
Narcissists are "little" people who demand to be treated like royalty. With my mother, a trip to the grocery store was sure to create a good serving of drama. You see, mother didn't think she had to wait in line like the other customers. She would badger me and the cashiers non-stop about having to wait in line. The sense of entitlement is always a big thing with narcissists. They truly believe they are not like others. They expect to be treated as "special" while viewing those around them as irrelevant nothings or "less than them" or as their slaves. Mother would try to pit me and my other family members against each other and I'm sorry to report that it did work with a few of them. Some of my family members listened to mothers lies and I have not had them in my life for many years. The slander, lies, and gossip was never ending.
Now getting back to the elderly narcissist: Around 8 years ago I finally got better at dealing with my mother. I remember the day when the Lord said to me: "Don't Fear Her", but stand up to her and tell her when she is treating you and others wrong".
I started doing that and most of the time it worked. She got the picture pretty quick that I did not want to listen to her gossip and I would defend those she abused. All of my life she had cut down my dad and she treated him so horrible. One day while she was on a full-tilt bashing session of him I told her, "Mom, I am not coming to see you anymore if you EVER talk bad about dad again. He takes care of you and loves you and you should not be treating him the way you do". She turned her head away, full of anger that I would dare tell her what to do. Her silent treatment went on for a good ten minutes but I will tell you this, she didn't run him down any more after that, at least not to me. I'm sure that everyone else she saw after I finally stood my ground got a double portion of her criticisms of my dad though. I started to stand up for myself and others when I was around my mother from the very day that God got through to me.
As the years went by, mother grew more dependent on me because I was her only care giver. All of the other family members she had alienated through years of abuse and through infighting and trying to manipulate each other. If you have more than one narcissist in your family, things can get really messy quite frequently. I cannot tell you how many times I almost went no-contact with her because of her behavior. To this day I have stayed in contact with her and have taken care of her needs. Recently I was having a discussion with another family member about mother. I had said that she seems "better" than she used to. They told me that they believe that if she were younger, and less dependent, she would be her same critical and narcissistic self. They said that because she is old and dependent upon others that has seemed to make an improvement in how she treats (some) people now. They believe she has NOT change one iota and if given a chance, her sting, like that of a scorpion, is still just as lethal as it ever was. I tend to agree with them. First off, she is more docile and less malicious when I am in her presence because she knows I won't allow her behavior. And who does she really have but me? She knows my limit and if I see her act out I will call her on it. Narcissists know who the push-overs are. They know who they can fool and who will stand their ground. So in conclusion, I believe that many elderly narcissists tend to put on an act. They seem like they have improved in their behavior, but not without reason. They are dependent on others to such a degree that they must curb their nasty behavior or else they would suffer. I grew up seeing how my mother treated those who had something to offer her. If you had nothing to offer her, she had no use for you. This is very sad and unsettling but it is right on the money. Narcissists are users and abusers. It is their way or the highway. They treat their children like tools. Our feelings don't matter. When God got through to me, my mother would attempt to belittle me as always but I would call her on it. What would she say every time? "You're just too sensitive". She would apologize for nothing, you see she was never wrong. She was the queen and everyone else's hopes, needs, time, was irrelevant. It is a sick game that narcissists play and make no mistake, by believing that your elderly narcissist is all better since they've grown older is dangerous. Within the frail little old lady there is still most likely a scorpion ready to strike out at any new prey. Don't let down your guard if you must spend time with them.

Paul's Description of Our Narcissistic Society

In the bible we get a clear description of the character of many in the last days. Just go to the book of 2 Timothy, chapter 3:

• This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Paul tells us that in the last days, men will be "lovers of their own selves rather than lovers of God". My friends, the number one characteristic of men and women in the last days? Without a doubt, it will be SELFISHNESS.

What grieves my heart above many things I witness today is the overwhelming number of parents who care more about themselves than they do their children. They don't want to sacrifice their time to another - even when that other happens to be their own child. We have so many drug addicted parents who care more about where they will find their next fix than they do caring for their kids. And what of the way some children treat their parents? So many children show little or no respect for the parents who have nurtured them, and loved them more than anyone else has on this earth. These days many of our kids are not satisfied with a barbie doll or model airplane for Christmas, they are counting on a few video games and a new cell phone! All these new gadgets we have available today have done nothing to help us be more humane to one another have they? But they do cost a pretty penny and boy do they entertain us :(

Covetousness:

What of the sin of covetousness mentioned above? We are never satisfied with what we have, we covet other people's belongings and sometimes even the life they lead. We expect to get our way in all things. And yes, many of us despise those who are good for the simple reason that they show us the way we SHOULD live and treat others. The sense of entitlement that some walk around with is appalling. Everything should be given to us, we think that we are owed it, that it is "due" us. Where did this sick thinking come from? The selfishness that has grown in our hearts.

Self-Control:

We have little or no self-control. We can fly off the handle at others at the drop of a hat. And not always over some big thing, sometimes it can be as small as another slightly stepping in line ahead of us at the supermarket! Well, do we handle this by saying, "Excuse me, I was next in line? Those with no self-control do not handle it this way. They would go off on that person without giving it a second of thought. We don't control our eating habits or drinking habits the way we should. Gluttony is a sin but we don't hear much of it these days. There are preachers who will cut down a drug addict in two seconds flat but never take a look in the mirror and it dawn on them that THEY themselves have no self-control.

Traitors:

It's pretty bad when you have to endure the pain inflicted on you by a traitor but think if you had live with the knowledge that the traitor resides within your own family! My friends, this is becoming commonplace in families today. Traitors who care nothing for others and yes, even their own family members who have loved them and cared for them through thick and thin.

The narcissistic society today

What Paul describes in the opening of 2nd Timothy chapter 3 is essentially a narcissistic society in the last days. I am convinced and I do confess to knowing a little about narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissus was in love with himself. He was in love with his reflection. What do we have today? We have many little Narcissus's running around! And their numbers are rapidly growing.

While our society in general is growing more narcissistic everyday, we must strive to keep our minds and hearts geared toward Jesus Christ and the way HE would have us live our lives. Jesus was all about others. He had compassion and forgiveness toward all and was slow to anger. He didn't judge by men's standards but rather judged in righteousness as he was and is the righteous judge of mankind. Jesus came to serve and he in fact said he was a servant and came NOT to be served by others. He was the epitome of selflessness. The best defense from becoming narcissistic in these last days? The word of God my friends. Read it, study it, put it to work in your lives and cleave to it like it is a life preserver because that is exactly what it is. You would do well to keep it by your side and keep it's truths in your mind and written upon your heart in these last days.

On the True Meaning of Family

I always thought of the word "family" as etched in stone. The old saying, "blood is thicker than water" I had heard many times and I believed it was true. It wasn't until later in life that I started to question this.
Sometimes, our family members can hurt us beyond belief and it can often seem as though strangers are more apt to be kind and loving toward us than our own flesh and blood. The words of Jesus come to mind, "A man's enemies will be those of his own household". Why should this be? Remember the story of Cane and Abel? With these brothers, jealousy led to outright murder. In a productive and fruitful family unit there must be love, compassion, and a mutual respect for one another.
A true family is not one in which the members will only come to you when they need something from you. This would be called a dysfunctional family. What about the story of Joseph and his brothers? You know.... the brothers who sold him into slavery because they envied him; his coat of many colors; and his dreams?
Just because you have a brother or sister doesn't mean they are necessarily looking out for your best interests. A friend that you meet along the path of life can bond with you and love you more than a blood relative ever could. When you are raised in a dysfunctional family it seems that every member is out for themselves. This is sad and if you happen to be going through the heartache this brings, just know that you are not alone. I know how painful this can be. I have had to sever ties with toxic family members. Was I right to go no contact with them? I'm not sure, but I only know that the alternative was killing me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. When you are in a catch 22, what can you do?
Toxic people leave us little choice. In this life, we will have to deal with those who for numerous reasons are just too lethal to mess with. It is then that you will have to make decisions based upon what you are able to endure. Don't feel guilty for severing ties with those who suck the life out of you and only use you for their own gain...even if they are family members.

Those Who Have Went the Way of Self

When you reject Christ, you have opted to go the way of self.
A self-serving life is one which will cost you much by the time you get to the end of it.
A person who is overtaken with self will come to the end of his life alone, angry, and empty. Such a person has always been empty because they are without God. And it is so easy for these people to hurt others. Where is the compassion and empathy they feel for those around them? It is non-existent. They have self preservation in mind above all else. One cannot have a relationship with someone who is overtaken with "self", because in the end, they always prove to be one-sided and too hurtful to endure for any length of time.

The Good Samaritan: A Picture of How Jesus Would Have Us Treat One Another

Luke 10:30-37

A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said: "Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend." Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers? He said: "The one who showed him mercy." Jesus said to him: "Go and do likewise."

Why would Jesus tell us the story of the Good Samaritan? Because he wanted us to know how we are to treat others, no matter if they were strangers or beloved family members.
The Good Samaritan treated the stranger on the road like a brother, yet he didn't even know the man. This is a portrait of how mankind should treat one another. Jesus desires us to conduct ourselves as the Good Samaritan did.

But what of the others who passed by and did nothing for the man in need? They had gone the way of self.
And notice, one was a man of God, a priest.

Narcissists and Sociopaths (those without conscience) who tend to only think about themselves are wreaking havoc in the lives of others everyday. These damaging people's mindset is geared toward what is best for them at the sacrifice of innocent others they run into during their time here on earth.
While walking on the road of life, be sure of one thing:
That you meet the savior, learn of him, and take up his ways instead of becoming acquainted with the evil one, learning of him, and taking up his ways.

Sociopaths Growing in Number?

I visit a variety of group forums from time to time and lately I've noticed an increased number of topics on the subject of sociopaths. The threads I've had time to read often peak my interest because I write from time to time on sociopaths.

It should come as no surprise to us that we are being exposed to many more people with these characteristics as the return of the Lord draws near.

Sociopaths are those people who are only out for themselves. They usually won't hold a job, but encourage everyone around them to. They tend to tell others what they want to hear, even though it is never the truth. These people strike out to do whatever they desire without respect to your feelings because what you feel doesn't matter a hill of beans in their mind.

Sociopaths are spoken of in the bible:

1 Timothy 4
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

What are the signs of a seared conscience?

1. One who has no compassion or sympathy for their fellow man. They just don't care about anyone but themselves and what they want.
2. They tend to view others as objects which can be used, maneuvered and shuffled around like chess pieces on a board.
   
3. Speaking lies in hypocrisy - the bible nailed it!
   

Stoning the Adulterous Woman

Perhaps one of my favorite passages in the bible is that of Jesus and the adulterous woman.
We can glean more from this passage than only understanding the forgiveness of God toward us sinners.
John 8:
3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? 6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them,
He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

What does this story tell us about the sociopath?
All of these scribes and pharisees had a conscience. They realized that they had sinned before and had no right to stone this woman.

Compare this with the mentality and conscience of the sociopath - Ice people. The sociopath would have lied and said they had not sinned and therefore had a right to stone her. This is the # 3 characteristic that the bible nailed - Speaking lies in Hypocrisy!

See, you cannot deal with these people and have any type of a meaningful discussion or relationship with them. As I've said before, you cannot hope to have a relationship with a scorpion and believe me now, a sociopath will hurt you every bit as much as a scorpion's sting will. You get too close and that's it, you will suffer pain. This is how a sociopath gets to you. They will find something you may be able to offer them and they will charm you right out of the shirt off your back.

The sociopath and his "love" for you

The sociopath only loves himself. Many hope to change sociopaths but be warned, you can try until you are blue in the face but if a person's conscience is seared, they will harm you if they feel the need to. If it comes down to you or them, forget it. You are expendable while they never are.
The very essence of the the sociopath's demeanor is loving himself at all cost and as I said, everyone else comes in a distant second. I will never say there is no hope for a sociopath. But then again, I never will say that about anyone. I will tell you that praying for one of these people is the best you can do. And take care of yourself and steer clear of them if at all possible.
The very essence of Christianity is love for one another and loving self is the essence of the sociopath. These are Jesus's words and commands:

John 13:34
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

John 13:35
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

The words of Peter:
1 Peter 3:8
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

The Words of John:
1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

For more on the sociopath, follow these links:
The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath Part 1
The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath - Part 2: His way of life
The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath : Part 3

Do you care too much about what others think?

I have known people who are consumed with what others think about them.
It saddens us when others view us in a negative light when we have done them no wrong. But if others hold a negative and distorted view of us unjustly, we should not waste time being concerned about their opinions. It really is that simple because people tend to believe what they want to, no matter how we may try to change their opinions of us.

We spend too much time concerned about what others think of us and too little time concerned about what our creator thinks of us.

Settling Disputes and Stubborn Pride
Romans 12:18

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

I've noticed a growing disinterest in "going to the source" and "getting to the root" of disputes and disagreements. People are increasingly avoiding matters that should be brought to the forefront and resolved. Instead they choose to let their anger build until they are unreachable due to pent up resentment. Is there a name for this attribute? Yes, it is stubborn pride and today we see it at every turn.
Avoiding an issue with another is no way to solve it. If another's actions has harmed us, we should go to them with it and not broadcast it to those who have no part in the matter.

A Humble Spirit

The attribute which is the opposite of stubborn pride is humbleness.
Dear friends, it is humbleness - allowing ourselves to be brought down a notch or two on the pride scale and NOT thinking too highly of ourselves (keeping ourselves in subjection to God) that helps us to resolve conflict and turmoil with another. If we have humbleness within us, God is well pleased.

If you have a person in your life that you cannot reason with, examine yourself and determine if you are possessing a humble spirit or stubborn pride. If humbleness isn't there it is no wonder why you cannot get anywhere with people who are hard to deal with.

If you have tried to reason with a person and discuss what their problem is with you but have been met with only cold disregard, you must not be engrossed with them or their ill treatment of you. You must not let their distorted opinions and actions shake you. Let them go and release them. If they attack you verbally to others don't worry about this and never spend time defending yourself. If God is pleased with us, we honestly DO love others, and have not harmed anyone, God is well pleased.

Persecuted by others when you have done no wrong?

If you have done nothing wrong, yet others treat you badly, they are persecuting you because you are God's child. We are told about this in the bible. This is what the pharisees did to Jesus. He did good but nonetheless, they still persecuted him.
Notice what Jesus said about persecution:

Matthew 5:11+12
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

What are we to do about unjust persecution?
Matthew 5:44

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite fully use you, and persecute you;

People living in a state of anger

Many today live in a constant state of anger. They don't like it if others have peace and joy in their lives because they themselves don't have peace and joy.

Don't be a people pleaser. There will always be someone you cannot please no matter what you do.
Some of these people who are hard to please must have their way at every turn or you will suffer, they will try to see to it. But notice, I said they would try. You do not have to permit them to succeed.
People who are vindictive and mean spirited don't have to be given victory over you. You control how they and their actions effect you.

Let their bad treatment of you roll off your back and out of your mind. Do not dwell on them because who has your back? God does.

The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath : Part 3

The sociopath is cunning and is able to fly under the radar of most people's perception.
They do this by allowing all but a select few to view their fake facade. The facets of their personality they show to those they choose to impress is very different from those facets that truly reside within them.
To others who they care little about, they are indifferent, cool and smug. They don't spend time or effort wooing those who are seen by them to have nothing to offer to them.

The sociopath will choose victims deliberately

Make no mistake, the sociopath deliberately chooses his or her victims. Then they will impress and charm them until they are giddy. This is why when a victim of the sociopath tries to tell their story, they often are not believed. The charm factor with these people is over the top. The sociopath will lie about others and embellish details of a situation with others. Sometimes there is a "pack" mentality with these people. He or she will actually attempt to draft people into their "army" of discontents. Many have been slandered, humiliated, and unjustly accused by sociopaths. Most of the time they do these things for financial gain and self preservation. But I have seen them do these things when there didn't appear to be a reason. You will never get inside their heads. They are another creature altogether. Don't play games with these people and study them for too long. You will never figure them out or truly understand them. You have a conscience, they don't. Just as you cannot understand the feelings of a computer or any other inanimate object, you cannot understand the feelings of the sociopath or what makes them tick. The pain they inflict on their victims is not felt by them. Empathy is unknown to them, they care nothing for anything except what they want.

What creates the sociopath?

Some say that sociopathy is brought about by heredity and some say the cause is environment. I happen to think that sociopath's are a creation of both heredity and environment in most cases. A child who is born into a life of misery by way of dysfunctional parents will have a tough time. But that same child can and often does survive without being transformed into a sociopath - one without conscience.

Understanding the sociopath

We don't understand those without shame, guilt or conscience. This is another reason why we are apt to overlook, underestimate, or miscalculate those who are sociopaths. We would rather think positive about someone and their actions than negative.

To admit that you have a non-feeling monster as a relative, spouse, or friend is not an easy thing to do.

Those of us who have a conscience would rather believe anything other than that.

And it is in this neglecting of the obvious that our weakness takes root in dealing with these people and can cause us great misery. This neglecting of the obvious causes us to end up being deceived and devastated. We want to believe that there are not people out there walking around who only think of themselves and care nothing about others or their feelings. To us, this is a frightening thought, so we dismiss it and tend to overlook what those without conscience do.

I believe there are more ice people (sociopaths) today in our present culture than at any other time in history.

Sociopath in the Family

What did Jesus say would characterize the last days?

Those days right before his return?

Mark 13: 12 Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death.

Friends, those who do these things, betraying a brother or other family member to death can be categorized as sociopathic behavior. Only those without a conscience or a seared conscience would do such things.

Before the return of the Lord, we will not see an escalation of peace but a diminishing of it. Yes, even within our own families.

If you have a sociopath in your family, you have my sympathies. It is hard enough dealing with one you meet casually on the street, let alone dealing with one you must interact with continually because he or she happens to be a family member.

But if this is your situation

1. Keep your distance and if possible establish no contact with them. I say this because it would be totally foolish for you to dream about sharing any positive relationship with them.

They harm others at random without any guilt. How can you share any meaningful relationship with a scorpion?

You cannot, for their sting is painful and persistent, and you must keep your distance. The same applies with the sociopath.
Be warned, the best therapists have seldom made progress with the sociopath.

They are set in their ways and care only for themselves. They have no shame and carry no guilt.
The best one word definition I can think of to apply to them? SELFISH.

Don't get entangled in the ropes of revenge

Taking revenge on someone who has hurt us will satisfy our flesh but it is never productive. While the flesh is satisfied with "getting even" with another, our spirits suffer. Have you heard the bible passage, "Answer not a fool in his folly"? Take that truth and apply it with revenge as well. Take not revenge upon a foolish man in response to his evil actions.
Pay back not evil for evil. Why? Because you are not like that one who has harmed or offended you. So if you do take revenge on that one who has harmed you, basically you're doing what he has done - you are acting as he does.

I choose rather to please God and not pay back evil for evil.
Having said that, there are certain circumstances in which you must take action against another - Legally.
But we should know where that line is that other's may cross in which we must take action to protect ourselves from dangerous people. The law was made for the lawless. If you have to deal with a dangerous person, please utilize law enforcement, that is what they are there for.

There are many kinds of people in the world, Those who maliciously slander and harm others do these things because they care not for God nor man and woman that he created.

Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, I will repay

It is because I know God and trust him that I don't fret over those who have persecuted me. The schemes and plots of those who hate us are seen by him who sees all and is omniscient .

Why fear and fret over these people since God has your back? Friends, believe me, there is no reason to. Go to the Lord about those who torment and harm you. He knows already what they've done and what their plans are against you, but the main sign of a relationship is communication. This is why you are to tell father God your feelings and thoughts. This is prayer in it's purest form.

Other reasons why revenge is not the way to go:

Revenge will breed strife instead of ending it.

The bible instructs us to live our lives in quietness, not in backbiting, gossiping and in strife sowing.

Many time, those who persecute us are hoping we will react to their evil actions towards us-why give them the satisfaction?

Peace will never be gained by getting even.

The act of revenge sheds light on a "pride" problem, however large or small it may be.

Oneupmanship never births peace and quiet and humbleness, only strife and contention.



Don't get entangled in the ropes of revenge

Choose not to get entangled or caught up in some game of revenge.
I've known people whose lives were so empty that they've dedicated them to revenge and sowing strife at random.

With people like this, your only real choice is to have no contact with them.
Pray for them, but keep your distance.

Why are people like this?

Some of these people may have been members of a dysfunctional family.
They may not yet know how to treat others.
They are angry and resentful and only know how to hurt others.
They don't have God's love abiding with them because they've rejected it for whatever reason.

But here's the bottom line
You are not to behave as they do. You are not to lower yourself to their level and bring yourself to their playing field. You are not to play the games they do - games of revenge.

Family Turmoil - Questions and Answers

None of us are immune to turmoil within the family. In all families, you will usually notice a few peace-makers as well as a few hell-raisers. There are those who get along well with other family members and then there are those who always seem to stay in a foul mood.

In my family, as well as many others, there are those peace lovers who try to encourage everyone to "just get along" and there are those who on the flip side seem to thrive on strife and nitpicking. There are those who prefer to follow and those who prefer to be led. Among the long list of reasons for family disunity, there are envy and greed, mental illness, overall dysfunction, and drug addiction. These are only a few possible causes of chaos within the family.

Mental Illness and Emotional Upheaval

Many families suffer due to the emotional or mental problems of the members within it.

It is a sad thing to watch a family member with mental and emotional problems refuse much needed treatment and support from professionals. Much turmoil could be blotted out in a majority of families today if those with mental illness would only seek help. But many who fit this description don't accept or understand the fact that they need help. It is usually always seen by them to be the other family member's problems that keep the pot of strife stirred up within the family. When you find yourself in a situation such as this, you must tread lightly and carry a short stick. You must watch what you say and be on your guard if you have a mentally challenged person in your family.

Those with mood disorders such as depression and the like seem to be fine one day and riled up the next. I have found that if these people decide to forego help by trained professionals, there is little you can do. You must take nothing they say to heart no matter how their moods seem to flip flop. Understand that the problem they are having is all about them and not you! Don't wear your emotions on your sleeve or you will have constant heartache and trouble.

Drug Addiction in the family

With drug addiction comes a boatload of turmoil for any family. When one is addicted to drugs, they neglect their family members and treat them badly. This is because the drug means more to them than even those in the family they are the closest to. Those who have drug addicted family members will be affected in more ways than one. There is the constant dread of finding out that something horrible has happened to them. There is the constant push from them to have you, their family member take care of them by giving them money, shelter, etc. As well as the emotional turmoil you must endure for as long as they use.

Jealousy among family members

Those family members with a jealous or envious streak can wreak havoc upon other family members. They feel they've been given the lowest card in the deck for one reason or another. Who do they blame? Who knows, perhaps their parents, siblings or maybe even God. All they know is they've been given a raw deal in their eyes and because of this, their jealousy/envy has driven them to even hate other family members.

Those who feel they've been treated unfairly can dish out much misery upon other family members. If you've come up against the brick wall of jealousy, the best you can do is to practice avoidance and prayer. Pray that those who are caught up in jealousy would realize the emotions they let control them are not only counter productive for their family, but deadly. Pray that they would want free of them.

Dysfunctional Families

Some dysfunctional family members may attempt to play a twisted game of "divide and conquer" when it comes to dealing with family members. They will pit one member against another. Very unusual to do within one's family whom you are suppose to love and protect from forces outside the family unit. Those who do these things are generally acting out of an intense lack of self esteem and may suffer from personality or mental disorders.

Harmony in ones family is getting harder to come by. It is definitely in short supply. Do you sit down to an evening meal with your family from time to time? Chances are you don't. With more people within the family working and having more demanding schedules than ever before, this is almost a thing of the past.

What is the driving force behind love for our family? Where is our motivation to care for and love them equally and completely? Love of God. Loving him who first loved us is definitely a must. The growing chill in the hearts of many will only get worse as time goes on and does not exclude families.

In your family, be kind to others. Help them when possible, pray for them often. Estranged family members need prayer also. Whether they have treated you well or poorly. We should pray for them as God has instructed us to. Remember, whichever type of turmoil your family is going through, keep the faith. Keep your chin up and lean on God and don't rely upon your own understanding. This alone will bring you more peace than you ever thought possible in the midst of family turmoil.

Removing yourself from those who sow strife

Those who thrive on strife and contention bring untold grief to our lives. These people end up alienating everyone around them. But have you wondered whether it is it right to remove yourself from these characters?

There is no end to the conflict and strife they thrive on. If you've struggled to stay in a relationship with someone whose attitudes and actions repeatedly drain you dry emotionally, it is a given that you must remove yourself from such relationships.

The following are a few scriptures that touch on this important topic:

Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.

Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: 25 Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

They learn by example: Are you a doormat for others?

Beside the fact that it quickly becomes YOUR fault if you come back for more misery from these people, you are showing them that to continue their bad treatment toward you or others is OK. You are showing them that there will be no negative ramifications for their actions.

Essentially, you are letting them know that you are their doormat. You can be called on for them to use, abuse and inflict their own chaos and internal anger upon. The problem with these people is not you, it is what is inside of them.

Sadly, these people will not face the internal inspection that is needed, and so they project their negativity and internal emptiness upon you - their nearest and dearest.

Would God have us to be used, abused and repeatedly harmed or harassed by another? No.

There is nothing uplifting and encouraging that comes from being another's doormat or punching bag. God did not create us for such things. He wants better things for us. There is nothing martyr like in sufferings such as these. Living with continual strife and contention in our lives brings on stress as well as numerous other harmful physical effects. Our very health suffers as a result of dealing with such people.

They alienate you
This takes place after you have been their victim for many years. You have most likely experienced years of repeated emotional, physical and mental abuse at their hand.

If you have been alienated from another in this way, please understand that removing yourself from that person in order to protect yourself is perfectly justifiable. Do not carry around guilt over it.

The only choices you had were to:

1. Stay and suffer indefinitely

2. Remove yourself and gain some peace

Only you know the anguish you've endured up to this point and only you can take the steps necessary to stop it.

Silencing the Slanderer

You've heard the saying, "I didn't want to get involved"? But when we witness abuse inflicted on another by way of slander, it is at that point we are subjected to a certain amount of personal responsibility.

We are now "innocent bystanders" with a small amount of responsibility.

I personally will not listen to slander. I will tell those who are complaining against another person: "so tell him that if you have a problem with him". But those who beat others down using their tongues never go to those they repeatedly slander. They only wear you down with their endless ranting and raving.

The reason the slanderer continues ripping others apart with their words is because not enough people silence them! They have too many people who are willing listeners.

Why?

Because the majority of people thrive on malicious gossip and tale bearing. There are groups of people who enjoy taking part in gossip marathons and no good ever comes from it.

Does not the bible instruct us to go to our brother if we have a problem with him and work out our issues or wrongs in that manner?

Yes it does:

Matthew 18

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

What good can come from us slandering another even if we have a valid complaint towards them?

If we truly want to solve a conflict, we must confront those we have an issue with or who have wronged us.

Until we do this, fixing an issue with those who have wronged us is not a possibility and certainly will not be gained by resorting to slander.

Character Assassination: Narcissism

People with personality disorders do much damage and inflict much pain the lives of those who love them. To be human one must have humanity in mind.

We are instructed to love our brothers as ourselves.

If one does not love his brother as himself but instead treats his brother "inhumanly", this tells us a lot about that person. The first thing it tells me is that the person who does this does NOT love himself.

There is a personality or character flaw in such a person. For those who suffer such character flaws, the problems they have with others are in truth problems they have within themselves.

Why then do they project and blame others instead of facing the darkness within?

They hide, just as Adam and Eve hid from God, the one who shed light and truth. They scurry around in their own private darkness, fearing and dreading the light - The truth about themselves.

These people firmly believe they have truth, yet they are grasping onto a lie.

I personally believe that these tortured souls are not saved, because in order for one to be saved by the grace and power of Christ, they must realize and acknowledge their sins.

It is only when the darkness within a person yields way to the light of truth that one gains salvation.

All about self

Narcissists are overtaken with self. Everything is about them. When they see a person standing in front of them, they don't see that person, they see what amounts to a "tool" that is of possible use to them.

The sociopath and the narcissist are similar in many ways.

In very few words, it is all about them.

Ever waited in line at a grocery store? Take a narcissist with you and watch what happens. They don't like to wait their turn. They feel that they should be allowed to be first in line.

They don't necessarily know why they should be afforded this special privilege, they just want to be first and if they don't get their way, you will hear them moan and groan about it. They may throw a fit or embarrass you.

If you have to talk to someone about an issue that is troubling you and you need a shoulder to lean on, an understanding ear to hear you out, do not go to the narcissist.

Their pat answer to those who seek help or a listening ear is, "You'll get over it"!

Ruthless at times

If you have been wronged by way of abuse, slander, or the general bullying of these character assassinators, gain some small solace in the fact that they project their own insecurities and darkness onto you because of the reasons just described.

People that I've written about can be ruthless, criminal and master manipulators. They are slowly killing their conscience off bit by agonizing bit and why?

They refuse to see the truth about themselves. They refuse to judge themselves, as all in this world were instructed to do:

1 Corinthians 11:31

For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.

Setting boundaries that others cannot cross

Whether you are dealing with a drug addict or a dysfunctional family member, boundaries are needed.
It must be you, the one being walked on who sets these boundaries. Those who are walking all over you are
not going to back off and grow a conscience out of the blue. They are not going to think about
what is best for you.

They want what is best for them, what is in their best interest. So it must be you who sets the ground rules
for the boundaries which are needed if you are going to be a part of their lives.

The first thing when setting boundaries is to make a plan and STICK TO IT.
I have talked with people who have been on the edge of going off a cliff mentally because of dealing with difficult people.
They say pretty much the same thing. After setting boundaries, for some reason they stop sticking to them and a short time later they are back in the same emotionally draining situation they were at the first.

So here's what you do:
Determine the amount of communication and interaction you can safely handle with the particular person.
If you believe you cannot tolerate any interaction right now, then STEP BACK NOW and gain perspective, sanity, and peace and then
take another look and ask yourself that question again at a later date.

We all have a tendency to put ourselves in situations that we KNOW we shouldn't be in and that we cannot handle.
We do this because we stretch ourselves too thin and believe that we can handle situations we were never meant to.
How can we help others when we are drained, emotionally wasted, and have no peace ourselves?

We all need and deserve the right to separate ourselves from others who will not think about our welfare and have the tendency to use and abuse us.
God himself has given us that right. He has given us discernment in order to help us live our life in the best way possible.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have had to stop, set down, take a breath and SEPARATE myself from a
destructive situation that another had placed themselves in, only to have ME help them out of it!
Many times I forged right on ahead and jumped into their mess without thinking about what was best for me or the ramifications of my actions.

The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath - Part 2: His way of life

It is my personal belief that a sociopath starts out pretty early in life. From my experience, I have noted that they start dishing out trouble and misery to others while they are relatively young and this continues throughout their lives.

Young sociopath's will often pick on and mistreat their younger siblings. This characteristic bullying only gets worse as the years fly by. Take extreme care and be sure to never leave any child or teen alone with one of these people. Many sociopath's will sexually abuse young children and teenagers. Many, but not all pedophiles are sociopath's.

Many sociopath's will harm and kill animals and insects.

The reason why they do this is because it gives them pleasure! They will derive relief from boredom as well as pleasure from tormenting and killing god's creatures. We as sane individuals WITH a conscience, have to struggle to understand how anyone could not only do these things, but gain pleasure from doing them. Here is a few scriptures that you need not neglect, they go right to the heart of the sociopath and his actions:

The Reprobate Mind:

Romans 1: 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Titus 1: 15 Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

16 They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.

How well the above scriptures describe in very clear terms the personality and characteristics of the sociopath.

A Seared Conscience

The seared (burned) conscience means that they do not let things get to them. They do not feel shame, guilt and a myriad of other emotions as those of us who do have a healthy conscience. How could this be?
I believe through years of systematic selfishness and cold-heartedness they have been building what in the end turns out to be a frozen heart, lacking empathy and compassion for others.

They are altogether a whole other creature.
The sociopath seems to fly by the seat of his or her pants through life. They are good-time Charlie's, relying on the good will and natural kindness of others - that which they do not possess themselves, they rely on and look for in others. They have a very keen eye toward picking out people who can be used or conned by them. The gullible, and especially the elderly are quickly taken advantage of and when the sociopath's victims finally are clued in to the fact they've been taken for a ride, it is often too late to recover from agreements broken, savings lost, property taken, etc.

Hustlers, Gamblers and Risk Takers

Sociopath's are hustlers and can con you out of the shirt off your back as well as the cash in your pocket! Sociopath's love to have fun! Gambling is only one pastime they are fond of. They do well at adapting to new surroundings. To the sociopath, nobody is a stranger, but rather a potential supplier to fill their needs. They go through dry spells and suffer lack pretty well if forced into the situation. While experiencing lean times they truly believe that they will be back on top of the mountain tomorrow. They always believe that good times are waiting to be had by them and are right around the corner calling their name! In all their pursuits and schemes, if one falls through, the sociopath seldom if ever sulks or worries about it. In my experience they NEVER worry. They are much too busy in planning their next conquest, whether it be sexual, financial or otherwise. The sociopath's motto is "survival at all cost" and "I'm looking out for #1" and "what have you done for me lately". These people are easy to spot because when they recognize you looking at them, they will put on the smile, charm and more charisma than 30 Hollywood actors possess!

Spending Time with a Sociopath

The sociopath's I have known were very bright and somehow could recognize what you wanted to hear. They will spend time with you at first, getting to know your likes and dislikes. Keep in mind this is IF you have something they need. Getting to know you by spending time with you helps them know how to work and maneuver you in the future. Over time they become aware of what your sensitive issues are and will not press these issues or push your buttons unless you have nothing to offer them or you become their enemy. If that day ever comes, they seem to take an evil pleasure in creating pain in your life by saying hurtful things to you and cutting you down to the quick.

The Seared Conscience of the Sociopath Part 1

1 Timothy 4

Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;

2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

Evil:

1. Anything which impairs the happiness of a being or deprives a being of any good; anything which causes suffering of any kind to sentient beings; injury;

mischief; harm; -- opposed to {good}. Evils which our own misdeeds have wrought. --Milton.

Those who have turned from God and have chosen to serve themselves are those who have had their conscience seared. These people are haughty, high minded and self-centered.

Some may characterize these people as narcissists or sociopaths.

In dealing with the sociopath, many dread to go near them with good reason. One thing is certain, prayer is an absolute must before being in the presence of such people.

What are a few characteristics of the sociopath?

I list these characteristics because they are the primary ones I have personally noted when dealing with the sociopath.

1. One who shows no regard for the feelings or needs of others.

3. Has a grandiose or elitist attitude

3. Displays a horrific sense of entitlement

4. Consumed with both jealousy and envy

5. Shows no empathy nor regard for their fellow human beings.

These people are concerned only with what they can gain out of each and every situation. America is said to be currently bombarded with a "ME" generation. Have you heard the expression, "What's in it for me"? Chances are you've met up with a sociopath who has little or no conscience. Every thing's about them. Constantly being ordered around by someone who won't lift one finger to ever help you, yet they can spew out orders with the greatest of ease? Chances are you have one of these selfish and hurtful people in your life.

These people must be the center of attention at all times. Do not ignore them or you will feel their wrath.

These people secretly feel (although they would never admit to it) as if they're superior to God.

I sometimes wonder if these people don't actually feel that they could rule both heaven and earth better than God himself! Their behavior certainly seems to conclude these assumptions. Sounds like Satan himself doesn't it? He wanted to rule above and to be worshipped by Jesus himself! Now if you have never met a person like this, there is no way for you to understand what it's like in having to deal with them.

These are a lazy bunch
Except when there are reasons not to be lazy and an activity of some sort would benefit them. They prefer not to do menial tasks such as working at a job or even taking out the trash. Chores such as these are beneath them and are seen as unworthy tasks, not suitable for someone of such high stature as themselves.

These people will scheme and con their way through life looking for people who will serve them and their purposes well. It seems at times that they never stop dreaming up ways to get more out of life, but for all their day dreaming, they enlist others to fight their fights for them. They prefer to watch from afar and remain inconspicuous when able, unless there is reason for them to actively participate in the evil they've helped to create.

These people are charmers and flatterers when necessary to further their cause. They know what others want to hear and will heap great praises upon whomever they're trying to con.

They prefer choice seats at restaurants, to them only center stage is satisfactory, never a back seat. Even innocent children can be manipulated, conned and used by them. They are needy, but never thankful or appreciative for anything. You can do for them over and over again and try to please them, but their lifestyle is of the highest maintenance and rest assured, you can never MAKE them HAPPY.

These hard to please people are like spoiled brats. Case is point? Confront them on some issue and let them know that they're wrong. You won't believe the fight you'll be in for and the misery they will attempt to heap upon you. Why would they react this way? So that you won't make the serious error of correcting them again. You will have to seriously weigh whether or not you should attempt to correct them on any issue in the future, no matter how large or small! Such twisted reality craves unending devotion to them -- unquestioning devotion.

Saying No

NO is not in these people's vocabulary. If you tell them no, even for the best of reasons, they will scorn you and resent you.

Try saying no and denying the selfish, self-centered sociopath and see what you get. Most likely they will use GUILT and TEARS to get their way next time. You will be feeling so guilty that you will think twice before using that two lettered word with them again.

Sociopath's never allow you to question them. However, it's totally acceptable for them to question you. What's good for the goose is never good for the gander from their distorted viewpoint. Sulking and tears are only two weapons in their arsenal among a long list of other such manipulative toys.

If you refuse to go along with their twisted and ungodly ventures, prepare to have a bulls-eye permanently tacked to your back because these people will stop at nothing to make you suffer for not bowing down to them. You see, to them you have committed the unpardonable sin. That of willful disobedience toward them, and they won't soon forget it! These people's egos are so large they would fill a Mack truck! But they themselves are small indeed. The longer you know one of them and truly start to understand them, the smaller they seem. Consider the following bible verse in which God describes Satan and compare his description with that of the sociopath. Those people you know who lack conscience :

12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:

14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. 15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.

16 They that see thee shall narrowly look upon thee, and consider thee, saying, Is this the man that made the earth to tremble, that did shake kingdoms;

17 That made the world as a wilderness, and destroyed the cities thereof; that opened not the house of his prisoners?

This verse has always reminded me of those who are selfish and self serving and who care nothing about others. This describes the sociopath or the narcissist well.

Pathological Liars

We all have been lied to. It's pretty much a common occurrence for all of us in life, yet God says that all liars will have their place in hell. With the sociopath, truth is a rarity, whereas lies are the norm. There sometimes seems to be no rhyme or reason for the abundance of lies that spew forth from their lips.

They will lie to you about what you just heard. What you know as a fact, they will label fiction. Even with things that you alone have firsthand knowledge of.

We are told in the BIBLE that one of the things that God hates, one that is an abomination to him, is feet that are swift in running towards mischief. The person I've described to you remains in a state of malicious mischief. They scorn to stay out of trouble and to stop their gossiping and backbiting. They see nothing wrong with their actions. We are to live our lives and carry on with our work in such a way that we keep our heads down, avoid gossip and even the appearance of evil, yet if you tell these people how God desires us to live, it would seem as though you were speaking a foreign language to them. It appears it is not in them to understand godly morals.

Freedom from users and abusers

In our world today, we are surrounded by people who are seeking to use and abuse those who are willing to be controlled.

Exploiting others is second nature to these people. The good and kind people that surround them are seen as easy prey.

These people are always wanting something from us. The list is long and the grief is great from us being seen as a means to get their desires and needs met.

What type of people are we to watch out for? Why is it that their needs are always seen to be greater and more important than our own?
Selfishness drives people to do outlandish things. Selflessness in a person, although a good thing, can also drive them to do too much for others.

How to spot them:

Your previous experience with people often serves to give you the best knowledge of their future actions. We learn from our past experiences with people what we will be in for in the future when dealing with them.

These people can be family members, friends and even strangers. Their needs are always greater than your own and they won't think twice about relating that fact to you in a roundabout way. Do you fall for their plight and pitiful stories? Or instead, do you question them and then listen to see if their pity filled life might be that of their own making? Most usually you can spot them by the pity play. Many of those who are using you have their consciences seared just as the Bible speaks of:

1 Timothy 4 1&2

1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;

2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

I am not speaking of those who have proven that they have genuine needs that you may be able to meet. I am speaking of those who by their past actions and by habit, have proven that they cannot be relied upon to do the right and godly thing with what they have been given by you or others, whether it is money, your time or other resources you have given them.

Did God place us on this earth in order to be used by others?
I think not. The very character of Christ was that of love, compassion and merciful service to others, yet Christ never allowed himself to be used as a tool by anyone in any way. The only one who Christ subjected himself to was God, in order that man might be saved and delivered from this sin-filled world. To enable another in their godless and destructive lifestyle is doing them an injustice.

During his time on this earth, Christ encountered those who wanted to make him King.

John 6:15

When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone.

Jesus got away from those people and retreated to a private place and did not allow those people to have control over him or his mission on this earth. These people wanted to place him as King of this earth, an earthly kingship is NOT what Christ was to receive and not what he was sent to this earth for. Remember what he said before his Crucifixion? My Kingdom is NOT of this world. In this same respect, God does not intend for us, his people to be used and manipulated by others. Yet in our world today, many can see this all too often being done on a grand scale.

Just as a battery is depleted of it's power, we can have our power taken from us and be run down by those who seek to accomplish their own goals by our usefulness to them. You are NOT doing God's will by being all things at all times for everyone else. We are to be all things to all men, but the Apostle Paul didn't address this to us in order that we be spent and used up by anyone, rather he was meaning that we must be able to RELATE to others in the situations of life. We are not to be wrapped up another's neediness when they will do nothing to help themselves and instead never choose to live a responsible and godly life. Paul was concerned first and foremost with these people's need for a Savior.

This is what those who use and abuse others never care to realize, they glaze right over their greatest need of all

1 Corinthians 9:19

19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; 21 To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.

22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

23 And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.

Whenever we encounter another who is in need, we are to RELATE and share common ground with his plight. But Paul was not saying to do for people what they are fully capable and should be doing for themselves. The essence of living a fulfilling and productive life is taking responsibility for one's life and not using another person to accomplish what only they themselves are to accomplish.

The power to control

The power to have control over another person is a great one. The devil sought to have control over Christ when he was tempting him. He tried it three times on our Lord while tempting him in the wilderness. Satan wanted:

1. For Christ to use his power for good to make a stone into bread.

2. For Christ to use his power for good to throw himself from the pinnacle and have God's angels save him.

3. For Christ to use his power for good to bow down and worship him, and he said after that He would GIVE him anything in the WORLD, for it was his to give..

Christ did not give Satan what he wanted.. He instead used the word, the Bible on him after each temptation.

Co Dependents World

It is a co-dependent world we live in. On every side we are being pressed to feel pity for those who do not need nor deserve our pity.

What they truly need is to stand up, stop blaming others, and take responsibility for their own lives and actions. They need to get honest with themselves concerning their abilities and shortcomings. Those of us who feel used and abused need to get real about the extent we are allowing ourselves to used by others and put an end to it now.

It is very important that you do not allow others to control you. This is just as important for those who seek to use and exploit you, because the line must be drawn by someone and it will not be drawn by the users and abusers that surround you. As long as they are getting what they need from you, they will not stop using you, remember about that depleted battery? Ever wonder why those of us who are used and manipulated by those we love feel so depleted and drained all the time? It's no wonder, for we are being depleted by those who should be ashamed of what they are doing, but as I said, many of these people have little or no conscience.

So action must be taken by you. A fact of life is that selfishness is rampant in our society and among those we live around and see every day.

I have had much experience with Co Dependent family members and friends who would go so far as to enlist me in their service, but I don't give in.

Instead, I get real with myself about what their abilities truly are and do not allow unjust pity and undue sympathy to control me.

It would be all too easy to go overboard and give into their pressure if I chose, but I cannot because such action taken by me would be a sin.

Jesus put forth the question to the lame man by the pool "Wilt thou be Made Whole"?
I have often pondered this passage of scripture.

The people who are trapped in a co dependent life of woe would do well to read the following passage :

John 5:

2 Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.

3 In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.

4 For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.

5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.

6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.

Why would our Lord ASK this man if he wanted to be whole and healed? Wasn't it obvious that he wanted to be healed?
Not necessarily, you see, he could have been just laying by that pool to garner pity and sympathy from others with no real desire to get better!

That is why Jesus asked him, I truly believe this.
Because unless the person desired to be healed, Jesus was not going to take action to help him in ANY way whatsoever.

The impotent man explained to Jesus that there was NO man to place him in the pool and that while he was in the process of getting someone to place him in the pool, another beat him to it!

Jesus listened to the man's reaction to his question and Jesus SAW that the man had a valid need to be made whole and be healed. Jesus heard the explanation the man gave as to why he couldn't get whole, because someone else always got there before he could.

Their needs are always urgent and more important than anyone else's

In my own experience with manipulative people, I have noted that in their opinion, their needs are so much greater than my own or anyone else's that are in similar situations. This is a tip off as to whether you are dealing with someone who has chosen to rely on you rather than take responsibility for their own needs and actions.

It doesn't bother them much at all to ask you to drop anything you have going that's important to you in order to fulfill their needs. This is plain old selfishness.


When you continually take care of them and run to their aid, they will learn they can turn to you in the future. These people are like small children who are used to getting their way and can get very angry when you start doing the right and godly thing by holding them accountable for their actions and responsible for their own life choices.

In closing, just remember that It is more important for you to do as God would have you to do rather than continually offering yourself up, only to be used as a tool by those who manipulate and use you.