June 25, 2006

Losing a loved one to addiction

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to intervene and help our loved ones out of the trap of addiction, the battle ends with it costing them their lives.

What can you say? Who do you turn to for answers? There is nothing you really can say or do once they are gone because then it's too late, we cannot get them back.

We can't see why it has come to this. We cannot be comforted.

Their death serves as a sobering example to all of us, their loved ones that:

A substance has the potential to gain control over a person to the extent that they hand that precious life over to the addiction that controls them.

Their very life is pawned off to the addiction that drives them.

I have lost friends to addiction over the years.

How does this make me feel? I feel robbed. Addiction is a thief that will take those we love, change them for the worst, control them to the point which we cannot reason with them in the least.

I feel angry that a substance would gain control over and claim the lives of those I hold dear. I feel a little irritated that someone of such worth and potential was robbed because of the destructive and selfish choices they made.

I feel numb.

Our warnings to our loved ones often fall on deaf ears.

This is why their death leaves us numb, angry, irritated and distraught.

Addicts lead dangerous lives. They are often entangled with dealers, many of whom they owe money to. This is only one of the dangers they willingly subject themselves to.

Some cannot bear facing another day if they cannot do so with the drugs that have become their entire life. Because of this, some will choose suicide as a way out.

I have lost loved ones to suicide which was directly related to drugs.

The drugs became everything to them and so, continuing life with the thought of having to do without them, they couldn't comprehend.

My heart and prayers go out to those who have lost a loved one to drug addiction. I do feel your pain. I know the struggle to understand why it had to come to this.

Here's only some of what I've come to understand: An addict is selfish. They don't mean to be, they just are.

When they are driven by drugs, they don't think about us, their loved ones. We seldom cross their minds. When their destructive lifestyle ends up costing them their lives, we are the ones left here to deal with the grief, questions and heartbreak.

There are no easy answers. In life there are very seldom easy answers.

We must learn from the bad and heartbreaking times of life as well as the good and joyous times. This knowledge helps us to live life to its fullest, but is often painful.

Losing an addict to their addiction is in my opinion one of the most painful events we will ever encounter.

June 21, 2006

Church Attendance

Church membership rolls will mean nothing to God when we stand before him. What will matter is what you allowed him to do though you for the betterment of others and for his kingdom.

I've known a variety of church members that hold differing attitudes and opinions on what "attending church" really means.

1.There are the die-hard church-goers who believe that missing church is closely if not definitely linked to willful sin. These people tend to take a mental roll-call among their members when service starts.

2. There are the holiday church goers. These people will attend a service during the Easter or Christmas holidays.

3. There are the regular attendees who never miss a service. When the church door is open - they are there, but these people don't take roll-call.

4. There are the hit and miss church goers. When they are able to attend and want to be there, they will show up.

I would categorize myself as being in the 4th group. If there isn't something pressing and I want to be there, you'll see me.

One of my long held pet peeves is the attitude of the judgmental church-goer of category #1.

These people believe that there is absolutely NO reason to ever miss a church service. If you're a hit or miss member like me, these people will flit around you like butterflies, tossing queries at you at lightning speed on "where you were last Sunday morning"!

Now that is fine, if they are truly interested in knowing where you were or what you were doing. But sadly, many only ask this question to bring it to your attention that you WERE NOT WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN. - PARKED IN PEW 3. It's enough to cause a person to bail out altogether from attending church. And they believe they're doing you a favor by reminding you of your absence.

Earlier in my walk with the Lord, I took offense at this behavior, but I don't now.

I believe it's because I've grown older and wiser.

I view it like this - The judgmental church-goer wouldn't look down their nose at me - the hit and miss church-goer if they knew what I was doing last Sunday morning like "taking care of my elderly relative" or "nursing a bad case of the flu".

I don't fret because God sees all, especially what the nosy church-goer of category #1 is oblivious to.

Don't be offended by these people. Just let it go and know that God understands it.

What do I believe about Church attendance?
I believe that if you are able to go (there is not something more pressing that keeps you from it), you should go.

But as I've said repeatedly on my site, make sure you go to a church that makes the truth (God's word) it's top priority. If it doesn't, going will be a waste of your time.

What is more important than attending church?

Having a relationship with God everyday of your life. Living your life with God and for God in your home and around those you see everyday.

It's very easy to go to church, sing hymns, smile and says "amen". It's harder but of much more worth and beneficial for you to walk in the truth seven days a week. God would rather you live in truth every day.

I believe that attending church is a good thing, but it is not the only thing.

And it certainly shouldn't be placed above your own personal relationship with god.

I go to the house of God (the local church), to partake of his word and to pray for and encourage fellow members.

I do this because I love God and I love those he has created - my brothers and sisters.

Encouraging one another through the struggles and pitfalls of life is a key reason for us to attend church.

There are personal benefits to this as well. I notice that I have a better outlook and feel better about all situations in my own life when I can encourage another.

June 16, 2006

Short on time? Review your priority list of life

We're all too busy. We are long on responsibilities and short on time. The fact is, most of us have allowed too many items to be included in our priority list of life.

When this truth dawns on us, we often ride the fence and are reluctant to make changes because we don't want to let any of these items fall by the wayside.

When we find that we have no time to relax and take a breather from our hectic daily schedules - that should be a wake up call that propels us on to make those needed changes.

Why don't we?

Because routines, things and filling our lives with them are too important we feel, to let them go.

We want that new car, so we must work like a slave to pay for it.

Our children must be in BOTH football and basketball, no matter how thinly our children or we are stretched.

We want that new home, so we must permanently shackle ourselves to a 30 year contract in order to get it.

We never realize at the time that along with that contract goes not only our money, but our time, sweat, and our vitality.

I would rather live in a modest home and free up time with my family instead of living in a mansion with them and hardly ever see them.

What this all boils down to is priorities.

Some people spend most of their lives overworking themselves in order to have the finer things that life offers.

There are ramifications to this.

Review your priority list of life. Be honest with yourself and see if all the time and effort you are putting into these items is justified.

I can tell you that there are many things in life that we feel we must have or struggle to attain, yet none of them are absolutely necessary.

In the end, they usually swallow up most of our valuable time and prove to be our biggest regrets.

Don't neglect those things which are most important in favor of those things which are least necessary.

Regret is something you cannot take back. It is something you must live with because you can never go back in time and undo what has already been done.

Take an honest inventory of your priority list of life and make changes in your list. You will not regret it!

June 13, 2006

About Me

My reason for starting a web site was not to put up great graphics, although I admire those that do. It wasn't to take up a lot of space with topics I didn't feel were needed. I knew that God had led me to start a web site that would express his love for one and all. But there was more. Here are a few of my reasons for starting this site:

That all would be inspired by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The same God that is alive today. The God who made the heavens and the earth. The God of the Bible. It is this God who loves you more than my words and inspiration could ever hope to get across to you. His love for you must be made known, and although I am but one voice, I will use that voice to let all know of this great love that is yours in Christ.

There is another reason for my site being up. I want to echo the words of Peter when he said to "test the spirits", whether they be of God or not. There are many false prophets and false shepherds in the world and I will shed some light on their ways and their doctrines. I believe that this is important. The days of tickling the ears with words that we want to hear instead of God's words is here in full force. It seems that more of this is going on now than ever before.

The other reason for having the site up is to bring to the attention of many what are some of the most important issues facing our nation today. I believe it important to do this and comment on issues relating to our culture. There are many issues today that so many are turning blind eyes and hearts to such as drug abuse, homelessness and unemployment. I plan to add my two cents so to speak on these as well as many other topics of importance that many are struggling with today.

What I believe:
1 I believe that God sent his Son, Jesus Christ to this world in order for him to be the supreme sacrifice for all of mankind and in turn, that would reconcile us to God the Father.Romans 5;8:
8)But God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
9) Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
10)For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

2 I believe in the virgin birth and that the Holy child that was born to Mary was indeed the Son of God:Luke 1:35;
And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.

3 I believe that we are saved by Jesus Christ by faith alone, and apart from believing in his finished work on Calvary and in turn confession of the Lord Jesus, there is nothing we can do or should be doing to "earn" salvation. Each person individually must come to the realization of who Jesus Christ is to them. This is vital.
Romans 10:9
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
(See more below on this)

4 I believe that we live by the Law of Faith in Christ Jesus according to scripture and that by the deeds of the law, no man shall be justified in his sight:
Romans 3:19-24:
Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.
20)Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight; for by the law is the knowledge of sin.
21)But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;
22)Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:
23) For all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God;
24)Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
25)Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his Blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are passed, through the forbearance of God.

5 I believe that the Word of God is thorough and infallible. The Word of God Is Truth. I also believe that Holy men of God were fully inspired by the Holy Spirit in order to create what we now know as our Bible. Nothing is to be added nor taken away from God's written Word.*2 Peter 20 &21:
20)Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.
21)For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but Holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.
About the Word, Jesus said when praying to God in the garden right before the Crucifixion:
John 17;17;
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
6 I personally believe that our Bible is not to be changed and that some of the numerous translations and other versions that are now being distributed do have error in them. There are words omitted that should not have been. There are words added that should not be.

Jesus still told us:

Revelation 22;18,19:

18) For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

19) And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

This is not to say that I stand in judgment of those that prefer to read another translation of the Bible. I do not. It is not my intention to make this an issue in any way. I just believe that I should be up front about my beliefs. It was only recently that I considered studying and delving into the differences between the King James Version and the other versions of the Bible. I must say that I have learned that there are many differences in the translations and that does disturb me. When we dabble with the Truth, it is not good.
Man will change, but God will never change. His word was handed down to us when the original King James translation was provided to us. Some more about me:

When asked about my "denomination", I just smile and say, "Christian". I consider myself non-denominational. I study God's word, pray in Jesus name, and give love to others as Jesus instructed me to do. I was saved by Jesus Christ when I was 12, baptized when I was 16, and since I was a small child I felt like God was with me. There were certainly times beginning at a young age and lasting through my mid teen years that I had sorrow. Sorrow and sadness is the only way I can describe it to you. Right now I am looking for a word, but sorrow is all I can come up with.

I was not raised in a Christian home.
My parents didn't teach me about God, nor did they attend church except during occasional Easter or Christmas services, but they didn't discourage me in my relationship with God. It always seemed to be God who influenced me spiritually through his word. I am so thankful that the Lord took me in when at times there seemed to be nobody else that I could relate to. That to me will always be one of the main miracles of my life.
I was blessed that in junior high school, some friends got me to go to church with them. The following is an account of the night I received Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord:

One night a sermon was given at church about Jesus and his being the Savior of mankind and what he did for me and everyone else.

It was explained and backed up by scripture about how Christ laid everything aside and took the form of a man, born of a virgin, and shed his sinless blood for me on the cross so that I could be saved, have a new life in Christ and be with him for all eternity.
It was then that I received Jesus Christ as my Savior.

Since that time, yes I have sinned. Being a Christian never did mean that we were perfect. If that were the case then Jesus would not have needed to be our sacrifice for sin.

I feel drawn, and always have, to those who don't know God nor Jesus. God has placed a special love and compassion in my heart for those who also have been offended or felt "out of place" by well meaning but at times misguided Christians. I guess there is a sort of kinship in the fact that I had nobody when I was young for many years, with the exception of a few that would help me later in my life, and I know what that's like. I have also felt the pain of offense earlier in my walk with the Lord by Christians who were silly and over zealous to their own and other's detriment.

God has given me a gift to love the people that seem unlovable to others. I am talking about non-Christians as well as Christians. I just see ALL of them through the eyes of Jesus, which is what I want other's to do for me, and his love goes from him, to me, and to them. I know it is God's love and not my own that I am dependent upon. I need his love and am dependent upon it just as much as the next person. He loves every person on this planet equally, and there is no respect of persons with him.

The Lion's Den

Daniel in the bibleThe Story of Daniel and the Lion's Den is found in the Old Testament Book of Daniel, Chapter 6: Verse 10:

Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God as he did afore time.

What was Daniel thrown in the den for? Daniel, as the story in the Bible tells us, prayed 3 times a day to God as was his habit. Some of the Kings subjects were jealous of Daniel and so,they devised a plan for his downfall. They dug a pit for Daniel, but they were the ones that ultimately fell in it!

Verse 4-9:
4 Then the presidents and princes sought to find occasion against Daniel concerning the kingdom; but they could find none occasion nor fault; forasmuch as he was faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him.
5 Then said these men, We shall not find any occasion against this Daniel, except we find it against him concerning the law of his God.6 Then these presidents and princes assembled together to the king, and said thus unto him, King Darius, live for ever.
7 All the presidents of the kingdom, the governors, and the princes, the counselors, and the captains, have consulted together to establish a royal statute, and to make a firm decree, that whosoever shall ask a petition of any God or man for thirty days, save of thee, O king, he shall be cast into the den of lions.
8 Now, O king, establish the decree, and sign the writing, that it be not changed, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, which altereth not.
9 Wherefore king Darius signed the writing and the decree.
Then we take up with the verse that I previously mentioned about Daniel Knowing that the decree had already been signed and he went in and prayed anyway.
10. Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God. as he did aforetime.
The men that plotted Daniel's downfall wasted no time in finding him praying so that they could accuse him and be rid of him:
11 Then these men assembled, and found Daniel praying and making supplication before his God.
But the King's heart was set to deliver Daniel, God had given Daniel favor with the King and the King loved Daniel. Notice how the King felt when he discovered that Daniel had went against the decree that was plotted by the officers:
Verses 14 &15
14 Then the king, when he heard these words, was sore displeased with himself, and set his heart on Daniel to deliver him: and he laboured till the going down of the sun to deliver him.
15 Then these men assembled unto the king, and said unto the king, Know, O king, that the law of the Medes and Persians is, That no decree nor statute which the king establisheth may be changed.

Daniel is at that point tossed into the Den with the Lions:

Verse 16 and 17:
16 Then the king commanded, and they brought Daniel, and cast him into the den of lions. Now the king spake and said unto Daniel, Thy God whom thou servest continually, he will deliver thee. 17 And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the king sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose might not be changed concerning Daniel.

Daniel is tossed into the Den.
Daniel's deliverance and impact on the King

Then the king went to his palace, and passed the night fasting: neither were instruments of music brought before him: and his sleep went from him.

19 Then the king arose very early in the morning, and went in haste unto the den of lions.
20 And when he came to the den, he cried with a lamentable voice unto Daniel: and the king spake and said to Daniel, O Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God, whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the lions?
21 Then said Daniel unto the king, O king, live for ever.
22 My God hath sent his angel, and hath shut the lions' mouths, that they have not hurt me: forasmuch as before him innocence was found in me; and also before thee, O king, have I done no hurt.
23 Then was the king exceeding glad for him, and commanded that they should take Daniel up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no manner of hurt was found upon him, because he believed in his God.

24 And the king commanded, and they brought those men which had accused Daniel, and they cast them into the den of lions, them, their children, and their wives; and the lions had the mastery of them, and brake all their bones in pieces or ever they came at the bottom of the den.

25 Then king Darius wrote unto all people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth; Peace be multiplied unto you.
26 I make a decree, That in every dominion of my kingdom men tremble and fear before the God of Daniel: for he is the living God, and stedfast for ever, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed, and his dominion shall be even unto the end.
27 He delivereth and rescueth, and he worketh signs and wonders in heaven and in earth, who hath delivered Daniel from the power of the lions.
28 So this Daniel prospered in the reign of Darius, and in the reign of Cyrus the Persian.

God keeps Daniel safe from the Lions!

Daniel suffered the ultimate persecution because of faith in his God. Yet even when faced with death, he opened his windows and prayed. This was something that was not going to keep Daniel from his obedient relationship with his God. Oh that we had more Daniel's these days.
But you know what? We do!
There are those today that will not bow the knee to man and man's theology. They will only be obedient to the truth. They will only be obedient to God and no other. Being persecuted when we have not done what is right is one thing, but suffering persecution when you do the RIGHT thing, now that is one of the hardest things to take. It is for me anyway.
When we are persecuted for doing what is right in the eyes of God, we do have reason to rejoice as Christ said. All too many times though, we prefer to say we're being "persecuted" when in fact we are not.

What happened to Daniel as a result of his faithfulness to God was the most classic case of persecution.
Daniel was obedient to the King, except in matters pertaining to his God. That is how we should be in this time we live in. These are perilous times. Just as we read about them in the bible, they are indeed and even more so than we could have ever imagined at times. But it helps to know that we can call out to God no matter the perilous nature of our times.

Daniel was so disciplined wasn't he?
3 times a day he prayed the Bible tells us. How many of us can say that we pray 3 times a day without fail?
I know that I can't say that.
I will be brutally honest and tell you that I'm not there yet. Oh yes, there are times that I do pray 3 times in a day, but as for being that disciplined each and every day without fail, I must say no. But I do want to! God is still working on me!
God has at times brought to my remembrance Daniel's prayer habits.

I think sometimes to myself, how much closer I would walk with Jesus if I did pray 3 times a day.
What kind of World would we be living in if all of us would pray and give of ourselves 3 times a day?
That's a thought isn't it??
Another portion of this chapter stands out and rings so true and echoes what is mentioned in other passages of the Bible. Particularly the Book of Proverbs.
If I paraphrase, it kinda goes like this:
Those who dig a pit for another will fall into it themselves.
This is what the presidents and princes of the King got in the end. For all their scheming against God's man, they were thrown into the same den that they had prepared for Daniel!
I just have to say this, This also reminds me of Haman in the book of Esther.. He was hung on the same gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai!
Isn't it amazing that if you just know the bible, these stories come back to your remembrance and the entire Word of God makes perfect sense in every way.

Daniel is the perfect example of one who DID what was right yet STILL suffered persecution but the really important part is that God DELIVERED HIM in the end!
So, when faced with persecution what are you going to do?
I say let's pray!

June 12, 2006

Don't give up on life: Suicide is not the answer

Have you found yourself in a desperate situation that you cannot make it through? It is most likely the one instance that can prove to make you stronger than any other.

Many times in my life I've wondered how I could have landed in such dire straits.

When we are in desperate situations, we only pray to be free of them.

It is at this point that some choose to end their life. They've taken all the disorder, chaos and pain they care to and choose suicide - the last resort, as an avenue of escape.

I've talked with people about the subject of suicide. Here are my views and this is what I tell those who ask:

If the person who ponders the act of suicide would only realize that in a week, perhaps a month, their situation would CHANGE FOR THE BETTER - which is usually the case, they would vanquish their suicidal thoughts forever.

A few years ago I had very heartbreaking situations in my own life. I was at the point in which I didn't care one way or the other. Was suicide an option for me?

No, because it would have went against everything I believe. God gave me my life, it is not mine to take and destroy.

But nonetheless, I can relate and understand how many feel that they just cannot go on and that life is just too painful to continue. That I understand completely.

At that time, others tried to tell me that things would be alright and everything would work out "in time". I wouldn't listen to them. I couldn't see. All I could see was my present sorry situation I was stuck in.

What happened? Time happened.

With the passing of time, situations in my life changed for the better. Now I look back on those years of trial, heartache, and desperation and all I see is that those years taught me patience. I am so glad now that I didn't give up on life.

Those who take their life because of tough and chaotic situations and circumstances lacked patience. They didn't have one iota of patience and now their life is wiped away by their own hand because of it.
Don't you give up on life! Understand that in a few days, weeks or perhaps even years, your situation will change, and most times for the better!

June 10, 2006

Silencing the Slanderer

You've heard the saying, "I didn't want to get involved"? But when we witness abuse inflicted on another by way of slander, it is at that point we are subjected to a certain amount of personal responsibility.

We are now "innocent bystanders" with a small amount of responsibility.

I personally will not listen to slander. I will tell those who are complaining against another person: "so tell him that if you have a problem with him". But those who beat others down using their tongues never go to those they repeatedly slander. They only wear you down with their endless ranting and raving.

The reason the slanderer continues ripping others apart with their words is because not enough people silence them! They have too many people who are willing listeners.


Because the majority of people thrive on malicious gossip and tale bearing. There are groups of people who enjoy taking part in gossip marathons and no good ever comes from it.

Does not the bible instruct us to go to our brother if we have a problem with him and work out our issues or wrongs in that manner?

Yes it does:

Matthew 18

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

What good can come from us slandering another even if we have a valid complaint towards them?

If we truly want to solve a conflict, we must confront those we have an issue with or who have wronged us.

Until we do this, fixing an issue with those who have wronged us is not a possibility and certainly will not be gained by resorting to slander.

June 3, 2006

Lessons learned from enabling

Are you a crutch for your addict? If you are new to breaking enabling behaviors perhaps some of my history will help you.

One time I put off a weekend of R+R in order to bail a family member out of jail. At the time, as I can recall, I was chomping at the bit to free him from that wretched place, County lock up.

What's utmost in my mind NOW is that I was in such a frenzy to bail him out that I gave little thought as to why he was locked up in the first place!

Was I in my right mind? Was I thinking clearly? Most surely not.

What was my problem? I had gotten into a cycle of enabling or "helping" him.

I often write on drug addiction, yet there is an addiction that a high percentage of us who would never touch drugs have a lifelong battle with - that of Enabling.

I cared more about my drug and law abuser's comfort than I did about him.

I cannot make it more plain.

He was in discomfort. He wanted out of jail. He didn't want to face the consequences of his actions and he wanted to use again.

I can see all of this much more clearly now than I did then. As a matter of fact, I don't think I had any clarity at that time. I had one thing on my mind, getting him his freedom.

I was in discomfort watching his discomfort.

Did I want him to go back out on the street and use drugs? NO.

Did I wish for him to escape the consequences (Jail) for his actions? No.

But I wanted justice and clarity to come to him in a way that was comfortable for him.

I wanted him to get better, and all I knew was jail wasn't the way!

What did I know?

I also kept replaying the same old line in my mind over and over again: "This won't happen again, "He's learned his lesson from this". Looking back, from how I've grown since those years, I cannot fathom that I would think and say those things and here's why:

How could he "learn from this", when I would run to his rescue and fetch him out of the hands of the very ones who could help him? He'd call me up and I'd come running.

But all it really adds up to is I thought I knew what was best for him. I was wrong.

Just as the addict must come to the end of himself, so must the enabler come to the end of himself. And this took me years.

Given time, we will get to the place in which we can say as I can now, "I was wrong". We have the best of intentions, true, but our good intentions doesn't mean it's in the best interests of the addict.

I know this now.

You can apply this to a drug addict but also to any type of person who is overly dependent and will refuse to face consequences in life and pull themselves out of their self made messes.

If you are the crutch they rely on, you must remove yourself and allow them to walk unaided and on their own. When they stumble and fall, as they most likely will, look at it as a giant step forward for them and not a step back.

I assure you, they will fall, the only question is how many times will it take before they have finally gained enough strength to walk on their own.

June 2, 2006

Character Assassination: Narcissism

People with personality disorders do much damage and inflict much pain the lives of those who love them. To be human one must have humanity in mind.

We are instructed to love our brothers as ourselves.

If one does not love his brother as himself but instead treats his brother "inhumanly", this tells us a lot about that person. The first thing it tells me is that the person who does this does NOT love himself.

There is a personality or character flaw in such a person. For those who suffer such character flaws, the problems they have with others are in truth problems they have within themselves.

Why then do they project and blame others instead of facing the darkness within?

They hide, just as Adam and Eve hid from God, the one who shed light and truth. They scurry around in their own private darkness, fearing and dreading the light - The truth about themselves.

These people firmly believe they have truth, yet they are grasping onto a lie.

I personally believe that these tortured souls are not saved, because in order for one to be saved by the grace and power of Christ, they must realize and acknowledge their sins.

It is only when the darkness within a person yields way to the light of truth that one gains salvation.

All about self

Narcissists are overtaken with self. Everything is about them. When they see a person standing in front of them, they don't see that person, they see what amounts to a "tool" that is of possible use to them.

The sociopath and the narcissist are similar in many ways.

In very few words, it is all about them.

Ever waited in line at a grocery store? Take a narcissist with you and watch what happens. They don't like to wait their turn. They feel that they should be allowed to be first in line.

They don't necessarily know why they should be afforded this special privilege, they just want to be first and if they don't get their way, you will hear them moan and groan about it. They may throw a fit or embarrass you.

If you have to talk to someone about an issue that is troubling you and you need a shoulder to lean on, an understanding ear to hear you out, do not go to the narcissist.

Their pat answer to those who seek help or a listening ear is, "You'll get over it"!

Ruthless at times

If you have been wronged by way of abuse, slander, or the general bullying of these character assassinators, gain some small solace in the fact that they project their own insecurities and darkness onto you because of the reasons just described.

People that I've written about can be ruthless, criminal and master manipulators. They are slowly killing their conscience off bit by agonizing bit and why?

They refuse to see the truth about themselves. They refuse to judge themselves, as all in this world were instructed to do:

1 Corinthians 11:31

For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.

June 1, 2006

Setting boundaries that others cannot cross

Whether you are dealing with a drug addict or a dysfunctional family member, boundaries are needed.
It must be you, the one being walked on who sets these boundaries. Those who are walking all over you are
not going to back off and grow a conscience out of the blue. They are not going to think about
what is best for you.

They want what is best for them, what is in their best interest. So it must be you who sets the ground rules
for the boundaries which are needed if you are going to be a part of their lives.

The first thing when setting boundaries is to make a plan and STICK TO IT.
I have talked with people who have been on the edge of going off a cliff mentally because of dealing with difficult people.
They say pretty much the same thing. After setting boundaries, for some reason they stop sticking to them and a short time later they are back in the same emotionally draining situation they were at the first.

So here's what you do:
Determine the amount of communication and interaction you can safely handle with the particular person.
If you believe you cannot tolerate any interaction right now, then STEP BACK NOW and gain perspective, sanity, and peace and then
take another look and ask yourself that question again at a later date.

We all have a tendency to put ourselves in situations that we KNOW we shouldn't be in and that we cannot handle.
We do this because we stretch ourselves too thin and believe that we can handle situations we were never meant to.
How can we help others when we are drained, emotionally wasted, and have no peace ourselves?

We all need and deserve the right to separate ourselves from others who will not think about our welfare and have the tendency to use and abuse us.
God himself has given us that right. He has given us discernment in order to help us live our life in the best way possible.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have had to stop, set down, take a breath and SEPARATE myself from a
destructive situation that another had placed themselves in, only to have ME help them out of it!
Many times I forged right on ahead and jumped into their mess without thinking about what was best for me or the ramifications of my actions.