May 25, 2005

Freedom from users and abusers

In our world today, we are surrounded by people who are seeking to use and abuse those who are willing to be controlled.

Exploiting others is second nature to these people. The good and kind people that surround them are seen as easy prey.

These people are always wanting something from us. The list is long and the grief is great from us being seen as a means to get their desires and needs met.

What type of people are we to watch out for? Why is it that their needs are always seen to be greater and more important than our own?
Selfishness drives people to do outlandish things. Selflessness in a person, although a good thing, can also drive them to do too much for others.

How to spot them:

Your previous experience with people often serves to give you the best knowledge of their future actions. We learn from our past experiences with people what we will be in for in the future when dealing with them.

These people can be family members, friends and even strangers. Their needs are always greater than your own and they won't think twice about relating that fact to you in a roundabout way. Do you fall for their plight and pitiful stories? Or instead, do you question them and then listen to see if their pity filled life might be that of their own making? Most usually you can spot them by the pity play. Many of those who are using you have their consciences seared just as the Bible speaks of:

1 Timothy 4 1&2

1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;

2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

I am not speaking of those who have proven that they have genuine needs that you may be able to meet. I am speaking of those who by their past actions and by habit, have proven that they cannot be relied upon to do the right and godly thing with what they have been given by you or others, whether it is money, your time or other resources you have given them.

Did God place us on this earth in order to be used by others?
I think not. The very character of Christ was that of love, compassion and merciful service to others, yet Christ never allowed himself to be used as a tool by anyone in any way. The only one who Christ subjected himself to was God, in order that man might be saved and delivered from this sin-filled world. To enable another in their godless and destructive lifestyle is doing them an injustice.

During his time on this earth, Christ encountered those who wanted to make him King.

John 6:15

When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone.

Jesus got away from those people and retreated to a private place and did not allow those people to have control over him or his mission on this earth. These people wanted to place him as King of this earth, an earthly kingship is NOT what Christ was to receive and not what he was sent to this earth for. Remember what he said before his Crucifixion? My Kingdom is NOT of this world. In this same respect, God does not intend for us, his people to be used and manipulated by others. Yet in our world today, many can see this all too often being done on a grand scale.

Just as a battery is depleted of it's power, we can have our power taken from us and be run down by those who seek to accomplish their own goals by our usefulness to them. You are NOT doing God's will by being all things at all times for everyone else. We are to be all things to all men, but the Apostle Paul didn't address this to us in order that we be spent and used up by anyone, rather he was meaning that we must be able to RELATE to others in the situations of life. We are not to be wrapped up another's neediness when they will do nothing to help themselves and instead never choose to live a responsible and godly life. Paul was concerned first and foremost with these people's need for a Savior.

This is what those who use and abuse others never care to realize, they glaze right over their greatest need of all

1 Corinthians 9:19

19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; 21 To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.

22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

23 And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.

Whenever we encounter another who is in need, we are to RELATE and share common ground with his plight. But Paul was not saying to do for people what they are fully capable and should be doing for themselves. The essence of living a fulfilling and productive life is taking responsibility for one's life and not using another person to accomplish what only they themselves are to accomplish.

The power to control

The power to have control over another person is a great one. The devil sought to have control over Christ when he was tempting him. He tried it three times on our Lord while tempting him in the wilderness. Satan wanted:

1. For Christ to use his power for good to make a stone into bread.

2. For Christ to use his power for good to throw himself from the pinnacle and have God's angels save him.

3. For Christ to use his power for good to bow down and worship him, and he said after that He would GIVE him anything in the WORLD, for it was his to give..

Christ did not give Satan what he wanted.. He instead used the word, the Bible on him after each temptation.

Co Dependents World

It is a co-dependent world we live in. On every side we are being pressed to feel pity for those who do not need nor deserve our pity.

What they truly need is to stand up, stop blaming others, and take responsibility for their own lives and actions. They need to get honest with themselves concerning their abilities and shortcomings. Those of us who feel used and abused need to get real about the extent we are allowing ourselves to used by others and put an end to it now.

It is very important that you do not allow others to control you. This is just as important for those who seek to use and exploit you, because the line must be drawn by someone and it will not be drawn by the users and abusers that surround you. As long as they are getting what they need from you, they will not stop using you, remember about that depleted battery? Ever wonder why those of us who are used and manipulated by those we love feel so depleted and drained all the time? It's no wonder, for we are being depleted by those who should be ashamed of what they are doing, but as I said, many of these people have little or no conscience.

So action must be taken by you. A fact of life is that selfishness is rampant in our society and among those we live around and see every day.

I have had much experience with Co Dependent family members and friends who would go so far as to enlist me in their service, but I don't give in.

Instead, I get real with myself about what their abilities truly are and do not allow unjust pity and undue sympathy to control me.

It would be all too easy to go overboard and give into their pressure if I chose, but I cannot because such action taken by me would be a sin.

Jesus put forth the question to the lame man by the pool "Wilt thou be Made Whole"?
I have often pondered this passage of scripture.

The people who are trapped in a co dependent life of woe would do well to read the following passage :

John 5:

2 Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.

3 In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.

4 For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.

5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.

6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.

Why would our Lord ASK this man if he wanted to be whole and healed? Wasn't it obvious that he wanted to be healed?
Not necessarily, you see, he could have been just laying by that pool to garner pity and sympathy from others with no real desire to get better!

That is why Jesus asked him, I truly believe this.
Because unless the person desired to be healed, Jesus was not going to take action to help him in ANY way whatsoever.

The impotent man explained to Jesus that there was NO man to place him in the pool and that while he was in the process of getting someone to place him in the pool, another beat him to it!

Jesus listened to the man's reaction to his question and Jesus SAW that the man had a valid need to be made whole and be healed. Jesus heard the explanation the man gave as to why he couldn't get whole, because someone else always got there before he could.

Their needs are always urgent and more important than anyone else's

In my own experience with manipulative people, I have noted that in their opinion, their needs are so much greater than my own or anyone else's that are in similar situations. This is a tip off as to whether you are dealing with someone who has chosen to rely on you rather than take responsibility for their own needs and actions.

It doesn't bother them much at all to ask you to drop anything you have going that's important to you in order to fulfill their needs. This is plain old selfishness.

When you continually take care of them and run to their aid, they will learn they can turn to you in the future. These people are like small children who are used to getting their way and can get very angry when you start doing the right and godly thing by holding them accountable for their actions and responsible for their own life choices.

In closing, just remember that It is more important for you to do as God would have you to do rather than continually offering yourself up, only to be used as a tool by those who manipulate and use you.

No comments: