October 5, 2010

The Sociopath: Handle with Care and Prayer

The sociopath is a guiltless, empty soul. Always on the prowl for potential victims. They are slick, don't ever doubt it. Many of them have learned
from a sociopathic parent. They have had years to sharpen their skills of treachery. The ones I've known were cold, conniving and above all, superficial. I have sometimes described them as stupid, but I only say that because I had them figured out. Gullible people would certainly not call them stupid, they would tend to believe their slick talk and see them as very wise I suppose. Gullible people admire them. Sociopath's know what you like to hear.
They know your buttons and they will push your buttons if you push THEM. The narcissist pushes your buttons to humor or amuse themselves, but the sociopath seems to have more deliberate reasons for doing so. Sociopaths I've known are allergic to work but always expect someone else to take care of their needs because they feel "entitled" to it. They seem to come and go in a frenzy.
If you get wise to them, they won't stick around for long. There is nothing they detest more than the dupe that has transformed into a wise man and now has figured them out.
They see no reason to be in the presence of one they cannot con. If you happen to get stuck with a sociopath as a family member, you will most likely take their shenanigans until you are weary and then throw up your hands and declare you've had enough. They don't care if this happens as they always seem to find "greener pastures" elsewhere (at least for a time). I've known sociopaths that tend to prey on elderly relatives. In their warped psyche, they see that the elderly are often alone, very lonely, and tend to welcome anyone into their lives who will shower them with attention.
A Sociopath thinks nothing is wrong in conning their elderly mother or father. They don't wince at taking advantage of their own children. These human parasites have no conscience. I have often wondered IF when they lay down at night, they might have an infinitesimal amount of remorse, sadness, call it what you like. But if this were the case, their remorse grows wings and flies away because in the morning they are right back to their old stunts again.
They are game players and risk takers. We are objects to them. They attempt to maneuver us around like checkers or chess pieces on their board of life! What are they hoping to accomplish by this? Their own self-gratification: Getting their needs and dreams met. Whatever the sociopath's "god" is, that is what he or she will strive to extract by using YOU. If their "god" is money, they will focus their time and effort on those who have it. If their "god" is drugs, they will use whomever they can to get the drugs. If it is fame, they will try to hobnob and rub shoulders with the very ones who can assist them in claiming that fame. You have nothing to offer them? You won't be hassled by them.
But it always seems that when they are really down on their luck and have fallen on hard times, they will look you up again. This brings me to one of the most important parts of this article. If you have managed to get rid of the Sociopath in your life, but at a later date they call you, knock on your door, look you up, please do NOT respond to them in any manner. I have learned this only after having wasted years of my life thinking that they had changed and giving them another chance.
I was one who answered that phone, I opened my door more than once and all because I thought they had "changed" for the better. I was always disappointed.

Handle With Prayer:

During one very distressing time in my life in which I was observing a sociopath attempting to con a relative they had already bilked financially in the past, I had a revelation. I sought God about how to deal with the drama and potential devastation this person might cause in my family. Prayer and a long talk with God was my answer. I learned I could not sit around worrying over what the sociopath might do. I now saw this more as a "spiritual" matter than a mental or physical one. When I've been in the presence of a sociopath there was always something in me that made me cringe. I have to be honest, I felt fear. Intimidation is one of the sociopaths weapons in their arsenal and they wield it like crazy. You cannot stop the sociopath. You can keep alert and not pick up the phone or open your door to them. Other than these things, you must handle them with prayer. You must pray that God would take away the FEAR you have towards them. You must pray that God would strengthen you if you happen to have a run-in with these people. You must pray that God would keep his hand of protection over you and your loved ones. And even though most people believe that the Sociopath will not change, you must pray for their salvation. You must pray that somehow (and only God knows how) that they will STOP using and abusing people, that they would cease wreaking havoc and misery in the lives of other people. There has been much debate over whether the sociopath can turn from their wicked ways, repent, and receive salvation. So take that for what it's worth. They have to come to grips with what they have done to others and suffer remorse from it. This is a tall order for someone who is enamored with themselves and views the rest of us as "dupes". They must grow a conscience where there has been none! See what I mean by only God knows how this could ever come to pass? You must keep a watchful eye over those the sociopath is attempting to con and to prey on, especially the elderly. Understand now that I have never known a sociopath to change. Just because I have not, that does not mean that it has NEVER happened. This may seem as though I'm being naive, I'm not, I am just following the biblical principles that we are to "Pray for all men".

They remind me of a roaring lion (the devil) in the bible.
1 peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

The sociopath devours people if allowed to. They will take from easy targets and when they have bled them dry of finances, shelter, assets, they will move on without the slightest tinge of guilt about what they have done. Sociopaths don't miss you. They only miss what you have to offer them.
I always stress that if you have a sociopath in your family, you must stay away from them and if you cannot, watch your back. You will suffer lack due to their "needs". You will have drama, tears, no rest, and a mess on your hands. The sociopaths that I have known won't take a moment of their time to listen to you speak. When you might get a word in, they instantly deny and blame you. They will blatantly lie in order to get this accomplished. I think they know good and well that others around them DO have a conscience, that we DO care about others, (including them) and they use this to their advantage.
I've witnessed these people getting some kind of perverse kick out of using and abusing others. This goes back to what the bible says about them having pleasure in doing these dastardly deeds and in others who do them.

Are they Reprobates?
It is my belief that those who have a seared conscience (sociopaths and some narcissists) are indeed the reprobates we read about in the bible.

Someone who looks an awful lot like the Sociopath is described in Romans 1 of the New Testament:
28: And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30: Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31:Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

In the book of Timothy, we are once again seeing a reference to the "reprobate":
2 Timothy 3

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (did you catch that? they despise those who are good).
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

The following scripture reminds me not only of the Sociopath, but of the Narcissist as well. Isn't it amazing that we are given an adequate description of these blood suckers in the Bible?
1 Timothy 4:

1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

Finally, for those who feel I am too rough on the Sociopath, may I remind you that at any time they have had the ability to change their behavior but opted NOT to do so. When we mess up, when we sin, we are SORRY for the sin and attempt to make amends with those we have hurt. Does the sociopath do this? The ones I've known have denied, projected blame, and arrogantly walked away. These people attempt to sway others over to their "side" in smear campaigns against others. If you find yourself the target of a smear campaign, stand firm and understand that if those you love believe the lies of the sociopath, they never knew you in the first place and without them in your lives, you are better off. Who needs someone in their lives (even family members) if they choose to believe the blatant lies that come from a sociopath? Your family and friends who are swayed by the lies of the sociopath are only being mesmerized by the best actors on the planet today. In time, those who were conned will feel like idiots when the mask comes off from the monster. We can only hope and pray that this unmasking happens sooner rather than later.

September 21, 2010

The Recession is Over? Who are These Clowns?

The recent headlines and most major news outlets reported from a panel of "experts" recently that the recession in this nation is now over. Strange, but from our neck of the woods it's the exact opposite. Who are these clowns trying to get one over on? From these "experts", our President, and others in Washington, we are to believe that the tough times are almost over and sunny days are just ahead. But from the view of ordinary Americans struggling to find a job and to earn a decent living, things have gone from bad to really bad. Jobs are continually being cut, wages and hours are being cut, and it is increasingly harder to put food on the table, gas in the tank, and shoes on our feet. A relative of mine recently had to postpone a much needed trip to the doctor due to being short of cash. Carrying on as well as is humanly possible for a majority of Americans has become so unnerving that some are resorting to suicide! The anger level for those who are hurting economically has reached epidemic proportions. You can bet that we will hear more horror stories of suicides and rages associated with job-loss as time progresses.
Another symptom of this economic nightmare is the rise in thefts. Now we won't likely hear of this in our media, but I have heard of it going on locally. Who of you are like me and have gotten totally fed up with watching these fabricated news reports on how well we are doing? I am totally done with watching the phony news reports, I am to the point where I will rarely watch the news. The economy is doing great for those who are not hurting, for those who have a job, for the fat cats in Washington and on Wal-street. It's always been this way. In the midst of hard working Americans who are struggling to survive, we hear of the first Lady's lavish trip to Spain which was rumored to be between $250,000 to $375,000! The anger has only started folks. We've seen a lot but we haven't seen anything yet! We have been duped by the bail-out, our current President, our previous President, and our Congress as well. I am coming to believe that those in power in our government are all working for the big banks and for those who will line their pockets once they get in office. People try to do the right thing by earning a decent living, keeping the lights on, and feeding their children. What do you think the end result will be when those decent people constantly look around and see all of the pillaging and shenanigans going on in our nation? It won't end well. There is a destruction of our Nation on the horizon and it's been a long time in the making. We are told in the Bible about those who are called the "Kings of the Earth". These are the very ones who pull the strings, they are enormously wealthy and they will never suffer lack like us common folk. These are the very ones who want to destroy our Nation and other Nations for their own profit.

We can read more about these "Kings of the Earth" in James 5:1:

1 Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you.
Your riches are corrupted , and your garments are moth-eaten.

Your gold and silver is cankered ; and the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days.

Behold , the hire of the laborers who have reaped down your fields, which is of you kept back by fraud , crieth : and the cries of them which have reaped are entered into the ears of the Lord of sabaoth.

Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton ; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter.

Ye have condemned and killed the just; and he doth not resist you.

These rich of the earth care nothing of their neighbor. They could care less for others. They only care about riches and their own well-being. Truth is, we are seeing more of this in our Nation than at any other time in history. It is a joke to tell someone who is losing everything to just "hold on", which is essentially what those in our Government have been spouting for the past year. Rest assured that someday those who could care less about those suffering and struggling in our jobless recovery will suffer loss but until then, things will carry on as usual. We will get more news reports on how "well" we all are doing. We will hear about how many new "government" jobs have been filled. Meanwhile, I go to my local Wal-Mart and for the past month I have noticed a real change there folks. There are very few shopping. The cashiers are up toward the front standing around wringing their hands and looking for something to do. This whole recession stuff will get worse. The only question is how much worse?

August 22, 2010

Elderly Narcissists: Any Hope for Improvement?

From what I've read, the jury is still out regarding whether a narcissist gets better or worse with age.
Based on my personal experience, my elderly narcissist "seems" better at times. However, just when I'm about to rejoice over her change for the better, and thank God for it, she will act out once again and throw me for another loop.
Before going into more details on my view of elderly narcissists, I want to give some background history of my dealings with narcissists.
My mother is a narcissist. She was a "queen" narcissist during her younger years and in her late 60's she transformed into a "hermit" type of narcissist. She stayed home, was glad for her isolation and demanded that we her "subjects" would wait on her hand and foot. But before this, when I was a small child, I lived in fear of my mother constantly. She cared only about her needs and what it would take to get them met and that usually involved using people. I always felt like I was in her way and as though I was a type of inanimate object. She would say things to belittle me. I could walk into the room looking like a million bucks and she would tell me how horrible my hair was or badger me about a wrinkle in my shirt. These frequent nit-picking sessions bothered me but I learned to live with them. She wanted me to fight with her, she wanted to get under my skin. I learned that when she would go full steam with the put-downs, I would respond with the following: "Oh really? Well, I'll have to fix that" (regarding the shirt wrinkle or my hair out of place). I am a Christian and had I not known God , Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit from a young age, it would have definitely put me at a disadvantage in dealing with my narcissistic mother.
You who have dealt with narcissists will understand that there is no "cure" for them so to speak. Over the years I had tried being super-nice to her. Treating her that way made her run over me all the more. I prayed for her, I took care of her every need and that didn't do any good. I have ALWAYS held out hope for my mother while constantly being on guard so as to not let her damage me and the ones I love. I cannot tell you the number of times I flung the phone across the room after having talked with her. I had to watch myself over the years because dealing with a narcissist can turn you into someone you don't want to be.
Narcissists are "little" people who demand to be treated like royalty. With my mother, a trip to the grocery store was sure to create a good serving of drama. You see, mother didn't think she had to wait in line like the other customers. She would badger me and the cashiers non-stop about having to wait in line. The sense of entitlement is always a big thing with narcissists. They truly believe they are not like others. They expect to be treated as "special" while viewing those around them as irrelevant nothings or "less than them" or as their slaves. Mother would try to pit me and my other family members against each other and I'm sorry to report that it did work with a few of them. Some of my family members listened to mothers lies and I have not had them in my life for many years. The slander, lies, and gossip was never ending.
Now getting back to the elderly narcissist: Around 8 years ago I finally got better at dealing with my mother. I remember the day when the Lord said to me: "Don't Fear Her", but stand up to her and tell her when she is treating you and others wrong".
I started doing that and most of the time it worked. She got the picture pretty quick that I did not want to listen to her gossip and I would defend those she abused. All of my life she had cut down my dad and she treated him so horrible. One day while she was on a full-tilt bashing session of him I told her, "Mom, I am not coming to see you anymore if you EVER talk bad about dad again. He takes care of you and loves you and you should not be treating him the way you do". She turned her head away, full of anger that I would dare tell her what to do. Her silent treatment went on for a good ten minutes but I will tell you this, she didn't run him down any more after that, at least not to me. I'm sure that everyone else she saw after I finally stood my ground got a double portion of her criticisms of my dad though. I started to stand up for myself and others when I was around my mother from the very day that God got through to me.
As the years went by, mother grew more dependent on me because I was her only care giver. All of the other family members she had alienated through years of abuse and through infighting and trying to manipulate each other. If you have more than one narcissist in your family, things can get really messy quite frequently. I cannot tell you how many times I almost went no-contact with her because of her behavior. To this day I have stayed in contact with her and have taken care of her needs. Recently I was having a discussion with another family member about mother. I had said that she seems "better" than she used to. They told me that they believe that if she were younger, and less dependent, she would be her same critical and narcissistic self. They said that because she is old and dependent upon others that has seemed to make an improvement in how she treats (some) people now. They believe she has NOT change one iota and if given a chance, her sting, like that of a scorpion, is still just as lethal as it ever was. I tend to agree with them. First off, she is more docile and less malicious when I am in her presence because she knows I won't allow her behavior. And who does she really have but me? She knows my limit and if I see her act out I will call her on it. Narcissists know who the push-overs are. They know who they can fool and who will stand their ground. So in conclusion, I believe that many elderly narcissists tend to put on an act. They seem like they have improved in their behavior, but not without reason. They are dependent on others to such a degree that they must curb their nasty behavior or else they would suffer. I grew up seeing how my mother treated those who had something to offer her. If you had nothing to offer her, she had no use for you. This is very sad and unsettling but it is right on the money. Narcissists are users and abusers. It is their way or the highway. They treat their children like tools. Our feelings don't matter. When God got through to me, my mother would attempt to belittle me as always but I would call her on it. What would she say every time? "You're just too sensitive". She would apologize for nothing, you see she was never wrong. She was the queen and everyone else's hopes, needs, time, was irrelevant. It is a sick game that narcissists play and make no mistake, by believing that your elderly narcissist is all better since they've grown older is dangerous. Within the frail little old lady there is still most likely a scorpion ready to strike out at any new prey. Don't let down your guard if you must spend time with them.

June 13, 2010

Unemployed Are Lazy? Think Again

Checking out my local message board, I ran across plenty of comments on unemployment numbers and the topic of extending unemployment benefits. It saddened me to run across many
on that board who were calling those who receive Unemployment benefits "lazy". Those getting benefits are NOT lazy people who are sucking money out of our system. I've read so many comments of those who say they believe that if a person has been on unemployment benefits for over 40 weeks, they would have surely found a job by now had they really wanted to work.

Those who say such things only prove to me that their time of hardship is coming. Their pink slip is right around the corner. Isn't it easy for those of 
us still working to judge those who are not? My friends, these ideas are wrong. The Bible teaches
us that we should take care lest at any time we should fall from our own steadfastness. At the
precise time we are so sure that our income could never stop flowing in and our ability to put food on the table is
not in jeopardy is the same time out of left field WE will find ourselves in the unemployment line.
It only serves to show me the stupidity of those who trust it will never happen to them. Folks, this
has or will happen to all of us at one time or another. And those of us who are blessed to have a job now should 
spend some time praying for and helping those who are less fortunate. But instead what do we do? We have a tendency to bash them and to
judge them. I am truly sorry for the millions who are in dire straights because their benefits are about to run out. Those who
are going to have to move in with family long term because they cannot make the rent or house payment anymore. 
Those who must decide what to do for dinner tonight are many and those who cannot afford to put gas in the tank are growing every
single day.

Here are only a few examples of the negatively charged posts on one particular board:

"Like this is a big shocker! There ARE jobs out there along with a lot of folks who just don't want to work! I see hiring signs all around the city. I so agree with putting them to work for the State. Let them earn the unemployment checks! It would be a Win Win for all involved".

"You just said what the problem is. Some people stay on unemployment because they get more money on unemployment than if they went out and got a job! That is exactly what is wrong with the system. I do not care what kind of a job they had before. Things change. Many of the old jobs are never coming back. They need to go get a job. Any job and take responsibility for themselves. There are statistics that show that when peoples benefits are ready to run out they get a job either the week before or within one week after. So extending the unemployment benefits just extends unemployment. How long are the taxpayers going to have to support these people? And it is the taxpayers if they are on the extended benefits. Nobody owes these unemployed a check for life. There is also a thought out there that after the first benefits run out the extended benefits should have to be paid back. I like that idea. Why shouldn't they have to pay it back"?

I found an excellent example of Christian encouragement on these boards in reply to "unwanted's" post:

unwanted wrote: 
""I am so glad your optimistic but I guess your not receiving UI. I was laid off and I have a MA and 20 years behind of field experience and I have not been able to get a job for the past ten months. UI was the only thing I had to avoid bankruptcy. If the bill is not passed this Monday, I would have to sell my furniture to pay the rent and file bankruptcy. I am already $40k behind bills, not including student loans which are never forgiven due to the recession. I would even accept a state job at a pay of 30K if they would take me, but their are no jobs and most of the university students are used as interns so employers do not have to hire someone or pay an intern"".

reply below:
"Hang in there hon, things will get better. It's tough I know but believe me when I say there are a lot of people who feel your pain, myself included, and we are praying for all of those on unemployment who really do want jobs. Even people like yourself who have a decent education can't even get a job so what should that tell people!! Good luck w/ everything and keep your head up, lean on God and he will pull you through this".

Now this is how we are supposed to encourage and support those who are struggling with tough economic times.

Now look at the desperate actions some have taken in order to make money in this struggling economy:

"are we all insane...........................
there are millions of us here without a job
we all can not be that bad that we can not find work. 
It is amazing that my friend that is 50 years old, chemist, is now selling porn online.
amazing, every night he lies to his wife and children
another friend has sold her body just to pay bills......and she was a general mgr of a all clothing company.
the problem I see is getting everyone together ...most people just will not respond any longer.

Unheard of for a person to sell their body to make a living? No. This will quickly become the norm if drastic measures are not taken quickly by our government and each and every one of us to help out the unemployed. A thought came to me a week or so ago about starting a food and clothing pantry out of my home. I have no idea if I would need a license to do this or not. I could never undertake something like this on my own but would ask all of my friends and family to help donate if possible. I feel as though this is what God would have me to do instead of doing nothing. It is said in the bible that it is not enough for us to tell a hungry person to depart, be warm and fed, etc. Telling them this without supplying what we can to those in need is hypocritical and is of no value. God help us, because what is coming is going to be far worse than what we have witnessed so far.