Drug Addiction: Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives Part 7

Every Day is a Surprise

When you have a drug addict in your life, you never know what to expect.
They survive on drugs and the flip-flopping emotions the drugs produce.
One day all is well with them, the next day you could find out that they
have committed a crime.

But all of this would be somewhat manageable if you could ever trust what the addict tells you.
But instead, you learn to take what they say with a grain of salt. You can never take what they tell you at face value because with the addict, everything they say is tied to what is "best" for them and this most usually always equals up to their ability to use again.

They don't see what relevance there is in being honest with you. You are threatening their existence if you threaten to force them into rehab or to get them help of some other sort.

Separating a User From His Drug
Trying to separate a user from his drug will turn your life upside down.
I have known addicts that have purposefully attempted to get their spouse mad at them so that they can then have a reason to leave the house and get high. They simply pull this bull because they want to have an excuse. Seem incredible? It may be, but it is true. I've seen it happen.
They don't seem to have the guts to just say "look, this is too hard for me, so I am going out tonight and I'm going to use". They prefer to blame someone for doing something they didn't do, get into a fight, and then exit the premises.
They don't care to look within themselves long enough to get to the root of their problems. They would rather lay blame off on some innocent bystander such as their spouse so they can have a REASON to go use again. It matters little to them that this entire projection fiasco is a farce. Projection and blame reigns supreme with the addict anyway. An addict separated from his drug behaves as a small child who cannot abide having his favorite blanket or pacifier taken away from him.
But here's the thing you must get: You cannot babysit an addict . Even if you successfully keep them
from using for a period of time, there will come a time in which you won't be around him or her and that is the critical time for them. We were never meant to babysit another human being. It's not in us to "control" another.

The Friends who are not Friends at all

Users want to spend most of their time with their addicted "buddies".
But they find out quickly that when they get into trouble and need a trusted friend
that none of their buddies are available. This would make a non-user come to the realization that those buddies are not true friends at all. But not the user. He will always come up with an excuse for these buddies of his for not helping him out of a jam. But if you or I are unavailable to the user, he would never let us hear the end of it!
So here it is: The buddies get off the hook for not being a true friend and the relatives or other ones who DO love the addict are blamed when they don't come through for him. Family members of addicts who don't jump to attention when the user needs them are the target for grudges that have no end.

Drug Addiction: Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives Pt 6

Lies and Manipulations

A drug addict lies in order to protect and coddle their addiction. They believe if they tell a lie to you that they are doing it for a "good" reason. Their main reason truly is to get you to back off and leave them alone. But a lie is still a lie and when they cross the line and resort to telling an untruth, they are still a liar no matter how they want to justify or dress up that lie.

I have had experiences with drug addicts as friends and drug addicts as family members. When confronting an addict, what I get is always the same. Their problem really is not their own, they will not acknowledge it nor own it. Their bad behavior is NEVER the problem, it is another's behavior that is causing them grief. Usually they blame the problem on their wife or husband. Sometimes they will toss the blame on another family member. Any old port in a storm will do just fine to them. They are masters at playing the blame game. And they will continue this "passing of the buck" until they make your head spin. When you confront them about their behavior, they will stand and argue with you until you finally tire of their denial to the point that you are willing to accept whatever they say. This is only IF they wear you down to that particular point. But if you stand your ground, they will most likely attempt to have the last word, turn on their heels and walk away from you in disgust. In dealing with a drug addict, I have seen this happen and it is truly annoying to those who are being walked away from.

As I said, lies are told by the addict in order for them to continue using, however, some or many of these addicts are master con-artists as well. They are in active addiction and there seems to be no rhyme nor reason for their constant and steady stream of lies. You should also know that some people who suffer with troubling personality or mental disorders are prime candidates for drug abuse.

There are some addicts who simply do not care about the lies they tell. But there are some addicts who are sorry for the lies they tell.

When you go down the path that leads only to destruction, it is a lonely one indeed. The addict finds that their lies always catch up with them eventually.

I have known some addicts who lie over the most colossal things and I've known addicts who lie over the most trivial of things.

No matter what type of addict you are dealing with, in order for them to even start the process of recovery, they must face the TRUTH. This means admitting that they DO have a drug addiction. And they have coddled and preserved and fed that addiction until now it is a behemoth that they can't even dream of controlling. After sincerely admitting this, they must then take an ACTIVE and not PASSIVE role in their recovery.

From my observations, many drug addicts eventually DO confess the truth of their addiction, but seldom go on to take an active roll in recovery.

They may say, "Yes, I have a problem". Then you, their family member or spouse are SO overjoyed at this turnabout, only to wonder a few days later when they don't come home, what that confession they made to you was really all about? Many addicts seem to take a passive and unproductive role in their recovery. These are addicts who don't care to get clean yet. They have not suffered enough yet. Do they feel BAD? Do they have no shame? A drug addict already feels bad about themselves deep within. Truly, I believe they are walking lumps of shame. To not have shame and guilt eating at them would mean that they have no conscience. They usually act cocky and arrogant and in control of themselves and those around them . But this is only a mask they wear that is covering that part of themselves that they cannot show to those around them. Inside, they are spoiled, frightened little children.

But we must remember that they themselves have chosen to give themselves over to drugs. The decision to go down this painful and destructive path was made by them and not by us. Just say no That commercial always irritated me. Telling someone that has never tried drugs to JUST SAY NO is one thing. But this does not pertain to someone who is in the throws of active addiction. These people have long since said YES and are now repeatedly saying YES to drugs. This is why it's so hard for an addict to quit. The addict cannot QUIT for their family or any significant other. They must choose to stop for themselves.

An important aspect of them choosing to stop for themselves is realizing and BELIEVING what value God places on the life HE gave them. They SHOULD stop because of the pain and agony they are causing those who love them, but the love for the drug overshadows any caring they have for another person, and even though it's sad...more often than not, the love for the drug even overshadows them caring for themselves.

I have known drug addicts who get into a cycle that leads to the absolute destruction of their lives as well as the lives of those who love them.

The drug addicts that I have known start out their Monday's going to work and working until payday. They get their checks, cash them and go STRAIGHT to fetch their drug of choice from their dealers. They then indulge in drugs until the money is gone. Usually this takes a few days and by Sunday they are out of commission until they again get the money it takes to further support their drug use. This is the cycle of addiction and what a web drug addiction can weave in the life of people today.

From my observations, a drug addict who is without money will do anything in order to GET money to buy more drugs. Thieving, lying and stealing are all used in order to keep them high and in control. I have known drug addicts who won't think twice about stealing from loved ones who think the world of them. This is what these people do, for GUILT is NOTHING compared to the addiction that drives them and directs their steps.

Drug Addiction: Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives, Pt 5

The Tragedy Of The Enabling Parent

I have received a mountain of email asking me to write more on one particular issue in the life of the drug addict and his or her family.

The issue is that of strife in the family due to one parent taking on the role of the enabler while the other family members have stopped enabling. This is a very bad place to be. The addict will ensnare the enabling parent by insisting on his "help" no matter what the cost to the rest of the family or your bank account. You should know that if an addict can get his way, he will not care how it will complicate your life, marriage, or your relationship with your other children. Many addicts play one parent against the other in order to get their way. This is something you must realize and take steps to stop if it is already wreaking havoc in your life.

The Enabling Parent causes strife and grief in the lives of many

The main theme of most of the mail I've received on this subject is as follows:

"I have a brother who is addicted to drugs, me and my mother have told my dad that he must stop enabling my brother's behavior. We have told him the dangers, etc.. but he refuses to stop enabling him because he says my brother would not have anyone else to help him and that he will not turn his back on his son". He pays his bills, gives him money and bails him out of jail every time.
Can you please help me, my dad just won't listen?

The father, the enabling parent in this situation, along with other family members are the only ones who are truly ABLE to do something since the addict himself will not.

Here we have the mother and sister of the addict who have already realized that enabling is not helping the addict. The dad on the other hand is still caught in the web of enabling.

What can the distraught family members do who struggle to get through to the enabling dad?

The truth is always the best and it is no exception in this case. They must make sure they have faced the enabling dad with that truth. They must tell him how his behavior is ultimately pushing the addict on into deeper addiction by taking care of the addicted son's needs and worsening it by giving him the money or resources to get more drugs. They must tell the enabling dad that he is putting up a barrier that prevents his addicted son from facing consequences that we ALL must face as a result of our wrongdoing in this life. They must tell him that taking care of every need his addicted son has is getting in God's way and blocking his son from hitting rock bottom. The enabling dad is guilty of hurting his addicted son, yet he believes he's helping him.

What can the father do if he wants to do right by his addicted son?
Stop pushing the addicted son toward deeper addiction by giving him money, paying his bills, etc.

Who is the enabling dad hurting in this saga?

The answer is not only his addicted son, read on:

1. He is hurting his addicted son by enabling him to continue his life of addiction.

2. He is hurting his daughter by coddling and enabling the addict brother. The father is showing his daughter who is not addicted, that's it's ok to do wrong and not ever suffer consequences. He's showing the daughter that anything her brother wants, he gets. He is showing his daughter that he is a pushover and is naive and gullible in the extreme and is worthy of being used, abused and manipulated.

3. He is hurting his wife. Many fights and much strife has abided in the households of those who have addicted children. In this situation, the wife sees what is going on and has stopped enabling her addicted son while the dad continues bending over backwards in order to supply everything his addicted son desires.

The very focus of this family is geared toward the addicted child.

4. The enabling dad is hurting himself. We all have opinions and views of our family members, our views are based upon what they believe, do and say. In this situation, the father who is enabling is viewed poorly by his addicted son, even though he provides the son everything and denies him nothing. Make no mistake, the addict son views the enabling dad as weak and someone worthy to be conned and manipulated. The daughter sees her father in the same light. The wife views her husband the same as the daughter does. Yes, in this situation, the only one thinking he is doing his addicted son a great service is the enabling dad.

Addicts Look For Anyone To Use

While an addict has anyone taking care of the responsibilities that he himself should be taking care of, he will NEVER get better. Why would he? He has the best of both worlds. He does not have to work and he does not have to be RESPONSIBLE for anything he needs to live this life. He has already learned how to WORK his family over to such a great extent that he has no need to put forth an ounce of effort to take care of himself!

Why else should the enabling father say NO to his drug addict son?

Bad behavior such as: lying, stealing and manipulating is not something that we should allow from our family members. Just because we love them and they are family does NOT give them the right to use, abuse, and manipulate us.

God himself and Jesus Christ our Savior does not want this for us. For us to by lied to, manipulated or used by a family member is not God's will for our lives!

In fact, our family members should be the very ones who can be counted on to treat us with respect, loyalty, love and honesty.

Most parents do not want to face the truth that their addicted child is blatantly using them and conning them. Even though they may have a sense this is what's going on, they choose to believe otherwise.

Why does the enabling parent keep this up?

At the heart of enabling, there is a feeling that just one more time of helping the addict will make all the difference... What does this mean? The enabling parent feels that THIS TIME things will be different. "If I just help them out this one LAST time".

I have known addicts who are so accustomed to having their enabling parent tell them, "This is the last time I help you", that their response is a muffled "Yeah Right". The response is as if to say, "I know you don't mean a word of it. You'll ALWAYS do what I want you to do, your actions so far have shown it.... so get off my back"!

When an enabling parent gives out warnings such as the one above, this is like a joke to the drug addicted child. A running joke that is, because by this time the enabling parent's "warnings" have went on for years. Children LEARN from experience what they can get by with, and a drug addicted person is like a cunning, manipulative child who learns from watching his enabling parent give into his every whim. The enabling parent simply must come to this realization.

Why does the enabling parent believe their addicted child and continue enabling them?

The parent does this because they have been lied to all along by their addicted child. An addict will say to their enabling parent that they:

1. are currently looking for rehabs

2. have a good lead on a great job

3. things are definitely looking up for them and they are SO glad that their mom or dad has not given up on them like everyone else has!

These words are intended to play on the sympathy of the enabling parent.

This is just stringing the enabling parent along and the addicted child knows what the parent wants to hear, so that is what he tells him or her.

Drug Addiction: Shattered Dreams and Wasted Lives Pt 4

A drug addict is arrogant, willful and cocky when they have money in their pocket, but they are full of hard luck stories when they are broke.
Many of them only work in order to keep a steady supply of their drug of choice.
When they are broke, they will then seek out those who they can borrow money from to keep their habit going.
If there seems to be nobody who will lend them money, they will then resort to theft and various con-games.
Arrogance and Drug Use
1.Drugs are like a shot of self confidence to those who have little or no self esteem. If the person you love is addicted to drugs, chances are you have not seen the REAL them for a long time. What you have been looking at when you gaze upon their faces is a stranger who seems to have taken over their bodies and minds.
Money In their Pockets
When drug addicts have money in their pockets, they are on top of the world and high as a kite flying in a strong breeze on a clear day. They are self assured, totally in control and seem VERY happy go lucky.
But take away that drug, that little helper of theirs and they are spoiled, tantrum throwing two year olds!
The Drug Abuser and His Job
2. Chronic drug abusers will only work in order to supply their habit. They have no use for a job and they do not take pride in a job well done as non-addicts do. The addict simply does not care about a job or taking pride in his or her accomplishments because to them, a job is only a tool they USE in order to continue courting their only true love, their drug of choice. The drug abusers that I have known will work for a few days, only until they get that paycheck, they then immediately speed to the bank, cash it and then it is straight to their dealers house where they are like a kid in a candy store. When a drug addict starts to habitually lose jobs because of the escalation of his drug use, he will then resort to theft as well as selling drugs. At this point, he is a lot closer to being put behind bars or losing his life or on the more positive side, he may be getting closer to a prodigal son experience.
The Penniless Drug Abuser
3. When a drug abuser is penniless, he is a lot LESS cocky and arrogant. He would flatter anyone and everyone if he thought it would profit him. They will borrow from anyone, no matter if the loved one they hit up for money is having a hard time paying their own bills! You see, the drug addict thinks absolutely nothing about the problems his loved one could be going through, there is only one thing that is utmost in his mind, getting his next fix.
The Drug Abuser As Thief
4. Many chronic addicts that I have known will resort to stealing if that is what it takes to get drugs. Heck, some of them would sell off their own family members without batting an eye, they are so desperate when they run out of drugs that they could care less about any morals. Why do you think drug users are such risk takers? Because they don't care WHAT happens to them or the pain it causes their families because in the grand scheme of things, it's all about getting what they want at any cost to themselves or others who might try to stand in their way. An addict who is penniless can be quite dangerous. They will stop at nothing to keep their drug supply up and to catch that next high. If you live around those you suspect of drug addiction, please lock your doors and protect anything you value. Another danger is that they may attempt to buy drugs on "credit" from the dealer. But someone always has to pay their drug dealer sooner or later.
Master Con Artists and Manipulators:
Drug addicts are masters at manipulation. They have learned this because those who truly love them are continually making an all out effort to persuade them to get clean and to STOP destroying themselves. Although those who love them SEE the obviousness in this, the addict sees the opposite. The addict believes that if you try to separate him from his drug, you are attempting to DESTROY him, therefore in his twisted thinking, you are now his or her sworn enemy. How perverted is this? Very.
I know this is twisted thinking. But in the mind of an addict it is seen this way. You try to split up a relationship between the addict and his lover, (his drug) and you are an enemy to that addict, no matter how you may try to persuade the addict that you CARE about him.
The Spirit of Addiction
I believe that there is a SPIRIT of ADDICTION. There is most certainly a spirit world that we read about in the BIBLE. There are things we can see, and there are things we cannot see. We cannot see into the spirit world as such. Only those who have died or have been given visions or dreams from the Holy Spirit have seen into the spirit world. However, it has been noted by some addicts that when they have been on their "TRIPS", they have seen "demons or other evil spirits or creatures" that have frightened some of them so much that such encounters have persuaded them to stop their drug addiction cold turkey.
When we dabble in drugs, there is a VERY solid chance that we may lose our life. And that is not the worst of it. When we exit this life, we will go to one of only 2 places. Those places are heaven or hell. We are asked of God in the bible to choose life or death. In this respect, when we choose to give our lives over to drugs, we are actively choosing death for as long as we continue our addiction.

Drug Addiction : Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives Part 3

Empty Promises
One of the things the addict offers his loved one when they urge him to stop using drugs is promises.

If you are the spouse or loved one of an addict, chances are you are only too familiar with the promises he makes you. Most of the time the addict knows full well that he doesn't intend to keep the promises he makes to you of stopping his addiction but he makes those promises nonetheless. He knows that promises, empty though they may be, will buy him TIME. He needs this TIME in order to get you and everyone else that nags and hassles him off his back.

If you call this manipulation, you are on the right track. *more on manipulation later*

In order to continue his chosen lifestyle he will promise you the moon, only don't hold him to it. You will find out later the promise he made to you was nothing more than a passing gesture meant to pacify you at the time he made it. The promise is one with ZERO substance.
The next time he disappears from home or is seen by you under the influence of his drug of choice, the cold reality of his empty promise will be evident to you.

At this time, when you are once again faced with his lies, this infuriates you and annoys him. You are infuriated because he lied to you, He is annoyed because you're on his back again!

Now notice what I just said: He is only annoyed because you are on his back again, not necessarily annoyed at himself for having lied to you! Why would he not primarily be bothered by having lied to you? Because an addicts chief concern is NEVER about you or your feelings, nor is it their dishonest conduct towards anyone else, their main concern is always FEEDING THEIR ADDICTION.
This is not to say that they have no conscience. I believe that addicts have random, yet seldom times in which they reflect on their actions and are sorry for them, but as I said, these are few and far between for most addicts in my experience. You may have thought that those crocodile tears meant something every time you saw them fall. I wish that were the case, but most times it is not.

Even if the addict regrets having lied to you once again, it does not overpower his desire for drugs - his first love.
It would be better if you stopped the addict in his tracks while he is in the process of making his latest promise to you and tell him, "Don't make me any promises because they mean
nothing to me." You always break them". When the addict comes to the end of himself by plunging himself far enough down in the gutter by his own hand, then and only then will you see positive actions on his part that will confirm any promise he could make to you and will as well confirm that he has changed. Until that time, any promises are empty and worthless.
Think of it this way: The drug addict wants something - To continue to use. You want something - Him to stop.

He will continue to use until his use causes him to suffer great hardship and sorrow!

You will continue wanting him to stop until he does stop.

You are saying NO while he is saying YES.

This is opposition that will continue until one of you gives in or gives out! In this dance of desperation, what if I told you of the only way to win this struggle?

Help

Listen carefully because this is a surefire way for you to win this battle:

1. Just as the addict must get sick and tired of the life he leads and must suffer pain and loss before he gets clean, you, the loved one of the addict must get sick and tired of issuing ultimatums, threats and having empty promises tossed at you.

2. You must get sick and tired of leading a life that is engulfed and wrapped up in the addict and his selfish actions.

3. You must see that to continue enabling his addiction in any way is going to lead to his ultimate ruin.

If you are still thinking/ believing there is something YOU can do to control HIM, you are wrong. You might have great intentions, but those won't get the job done, they won't free your loved one either. Enabling shows that you believe that you somehow hold the key to his freedom-- But I assure you that's not true.

Have you been told that you're the problem?

One reason why you refuse to remove yourself from the situation is because the addict has told you that you are the problem! This may make you doubt yourself and wonder if he is right. So you may be attempting to change yourself and your actions in order to make HIM happy with you. This is often the case. He may tell you that your depression is causing him to use drugs. It is most likely true that you are depressed, who would not be living with the likes of an addict such as him, but your depression and actions are NOT the reason why his is using! The truth is: You only become a problem in the life of an addict from God's perspective if you are enabling his lifestyle and bad behavior.
The danger of enabling

You must realize that God has plans for you as well as your addicted loved one. He has a will for your life and his. The thing is, if you are enabling his drug use, you are standing in God's way and shutting down any plan he has for your loved one's freedom. The first step toward his freedom is taking yourself OUT of the situation and making sure the enabling stops.

Those who are loved ones of addicts will bail them out of jail, give them money and do other things which BLOCKS the addict from taking responsibility for his own bad choices and dangerous lifestyle. This is enabling. The drug addict, MUST SUFFER CONSEQUENCES before he will even desire to change his ways and his life. It is these consequences that the enabler is shielding their addicted loved one from and that is why the devastation of drug addiction seems like a roller coaster ride. Those who enable drug addicts should realize this.

Enabling the lifestyle of the addict is dangerous to him. In fact, enabling the addict is many times more dangerous than allowing him or her to own up to their own destructive lifestyle and take responsibility for their own actions.

If you enable the addict, they will stay trapped in their addiction and many times with your help, (if you enable them by giving them money, paying their bills and generally doing for them what they should be doing for themselves) their addictions usually escalate. I have experience with the addicts drug use escalating and spirally out of control due to a spouse or parent's enabling. Though these loved ones intentions are always well meaning, the addict takes advantage of their "Help" and his use will escalate almost every time. Tell an addict NO after he has only known you to tell him YES and you will quickly see him turn on you. This is why many spouses and parents of addicts choose to deny them nothing.

Those who enable: Tools of the addict

The addict uses those he or she loves. It is very hard to accept, but it is this very truth that many of us must realize. Just as tools are used to "fix" an inanimate object, their loved ones are tools that the addict will use to "fix" them. In other words, to help them maintain their addictive lifestyle. If you refuse to be used by them any longer and are not being their tool, you will most likely be left alone by them, but it will not be an easy adjustment. Most times, the addict will go on to find others who will enable him, but that is not your problem. You are not responsible for the actions of others, only yourself. Perhaps given enough time in the pit of despair, your loved one will emerge a changed person, having beaten their addiction through a prodigal son experience that has humbled him greatly and left him with the chance, the only chance at a fulfilling and real life.

Drug Addiction : Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives Part 2

The Alien and the Earthling

The best way I've found to describe the brick wall that we encounter when attempting to reason with a drug addict is the following :
Picture a space alien being dropped down to earth and trying to find something "in common" with a human. It just doesn't work. What is of value to the alien holds nothing of value for the earthling. That is much of how a drug addict views a non addict and vice versa. They have nothing in common with each other. This is why an addict will hang out all weekend with other addicts and leave their families behind. It's what they have in common, it's what they do. The most important aspect of their lives, drug addiction, they are able to relate to only with fellow addicts.

I have come to notice this because I've had family members and friends abuse drugs. I was very angry that they would miss their kid's birthday parties, stay gone for weeks on end and generally avoid me like the plague. Now I have become accustomed to being shrugged off because I have come to understand the nature of drug addiction better now than before.
Birds of a feather flock together

Drug abusers enjoy the company of other users and that's why our loved ones will go off on a binge and not stay home where we want them to be, they have to go off with those who are like them. We try so hard to change them. We can cry and threaten them with ultimatums that will never do any good. The ultimatums we give only temporarily work if the addict is out of money or out of drugs, but if they have money or a source, forget it. They will always desire to be near the ones they can relate to, other addicts.
Spouses of Addicts

Here is a good place to say that the Spouse of an addict will many times play follow the leader with their addicted husband or wife. This is the wrong decision to make. I have talked to wives of addicts who have said to me: "Well, I went with him because I knew that I could WATCH HIM and make sure he wouldn't get into any trouble or take too many drugs".
What she was going to "watch" was beyond me. Was she going to watch him do drugs? Watch him spend every last dime on drugs that could have went to food or paying bills? Was she going to watch him so that he would not go near another woman?

You cannot baby-sit a drug addict. It is beyond our control to control others, no matter if they are our husband or wife or significant other.

All you will end up doing is neglecting your children as well as bring your own self down to the level the addict is currently at. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen this scenario play out:

The non using spouse goes with their addict and ends up walking home from God knows where or else they end up in a fight. They may end up on drugs themselves because we ALL think that we're so strong and can avoid the mess our loved one is suffering. This is a delusion and will only serve as a trap for you.
Help for Spouses of Drug Addicts

If you would like to know what to do in a situation like this, here are a few helpful suggestions:

1. Allow the addict to leave, you cannot stop him or her

2. Take care of your children that God has given you.

3. Pray for the person that is addicted to drugs.

4. And above all, pray that God gives you strength in this time of trial and heartache.

5. Do not enable your loved on who is addicted. If they want money, let them make their own money. If they beg you to get them drugs, do not become involved, or if you already are, distance yourself from being involved in their lifestyle as much as possible. I am one that believes that God and a prodigal son experience can save your addicted loved one.

Until the addict is stripped of everything INCLUDING the drugs which controls him or her, there is nothing anyone can do for them. This is why enabling an addict always leads to disaster. If you are enabling the addict by giving them money, paying bills for them and taking care of their responsibilities whatever fashion, you will be partially to blame for what happens to them from here on out.

I cannot make this more clear. God wants you to get your hands off of the situation so that he can get to work on it. We always think it's our job to take care of the things that only the power of Jesus AND the right decisions made by the addict can accomplish.

I have known of some addicts who got sick and tired of living the way they had for years and got clean. Keep in mind that many times, it will take a jail term for an addict to stop and look at his life and what his life has become. Many times this changes the addict and they will stop their abusive lifestyle. Sometimes jail makes a hard hearted person even harder to reach. But then again, if you live a life that is destructive and harmful to others, then you must know that you will suffer the consequences for your destructive ways. That applies to all of us.

Drug Addiction : Shattered Dreams, Wasted Lives Part 1

People addicted to drugs are not primarily concerned with their children or their spouse. What should be the most important events in life are shrugged off as nothing while they go about their lifelong journey, that of obtaining and using drugs.

To them, a job is never good nor bad, it is simply a tool - a means of obtaining the money they must have to buy their drug of choice.

A human being is viewed much in the same way; are you someone that has something to offer them? Chances are they will treat you well until you are no longer useful to them.

The whys and wherefores of Drug Addiction

The drug abuser is driven by his hunger for that next "fix". Instead of God or family consuming his/her thoughts, the drug they crave holds that place. It does no good to yell, cry, beg or plead with a drug addict - for he will hear your words, but your words will not get past his ears. They will not sink deep into his heart - they will not take root. They do not because his desire for drugs will always overpower your words and pleadings for him to please "stop"!The driving force behind drug addiction is Satan. Make no mistake, the person is to blame by the choices he has made. But the spirit of drug addiction is not from God, it is of the evil one, Satan. Driven by selfishness and euphoric feelings, the addict is consumed with ungodly and selfish desires. This struggle will continue until the addict "comes to himself" and chooses to stop no matter what it costs him. See the article on the prodigal son.But sadly, many who abuse drugs never choose to stop. In choosing to continue their addiction, they are unfortunately also choosing poverty, prison or death. Some chronic abusers end up with all three.

When and Why?

When do people start using drugs and Why do they?
1. To experiment
2. To fit in
3. To Escape Reality due to some crisis in their past or present
4. To Retaliate against parental control

Experimentation - Usually in the early teens, although more kids twelve and under are now experimenting with drugs more than ever before.

Fit in - Many who suffer from low self-esteem and lack security start using drugs. The drug is a welcome friend that helps to relieve anxiety, boost self esteem and helps them to feel more secure in the insecure world they live in.

Escape Reality - When you refuse to face and deal with past traumatic experiences, you are locked into a permanent form of "unreality". Drug use is a companion to those who refuse to face their past and this leads to a continually traumatic present and future for them. Just like a person on a treadmill, the person must eventually keep going to feed his habit.

Rebellion - In order to rebel against parental control, kids will try drugs. But this proves to be more detrimental than the person ever dreamed of because drugs do not like to part ways with their users, not ever. In many instances, the user finds himself or herself in a "Till death do we part " strangle hold of a relationship with the drug they experimented with.
Oh, please tell me Why you do it?

Ask an addict this question and you're bound to get back, "What am I doing"? Tell them they're a drug abuser and you'll get, "No I'm not"! See what I mean by talk will get you nowhere? They have the remarkable ability to completely by-pass anything you say to them that should make perfect sense otherwise. That's because if you SAY anything that opposes or goes against that one most precious thing in their life, (Their drug) , then they disregard it.

An addicts mind is wired differently than the non user and it will remain that way until they choose to stop killing themselves and harming those who love them.

This person is on drugs, WHY don't they care about ME like they did before they started using or before their use escalated?

Here's a question I have been asked a few times before..

They care - it's just that the only thing they now care about is maintaining their habit. They cannot care about your needs or feelings. I've seen an addict miss their child's birthday party. I've looked on in disbelief as an addict is too busy on their drug binge to bother with visiting their ailing or possibly dying parent. I've stood by and took note of things those who are not snared by addiction would hardly believe possible.

Drug addicts don't particularly care if the phone is shut off, the electric is disconnected and there is no food in the fridge, or milk for their baby.

But they will care if their supplier is out of town or they run out of money. but the money problem is solved many times by larceny/theft. Many addicts think nothing of stealing from a friend, parent, sibling or child if it comes down to going cold turkey and having to get clean. They are not above crime, period.

How do they Live?

Most drug abusers I've known will only hold a job if forced to. Others will work only long enough to get that paycheck and then squander it on feeding their addiction. If an abuser can find someone to pay their bills and maintain them by way of food and shelter so that they won't have to work, that is accepted very readily by the drug abuser.
A drug addicts main target for making these things a reality for them is often their parents.

They see their parent as an easy target, for what parent doesn't hate to see their child out of money, hungry or sick. So the parent will make themselves along with their money available to their child, the drug abuser all too readily. Many parents never realize that the abuser is taking advantage of them until it is too late. By then the parent has a much lower bank balance and badly frazzled nerves to show for all of the help they've given to their child, the drug abuser.