October 5, 2010

The Sociopath: Handle with Care and Prayer

The sociopath is a guiltless, empty soul. Always on the prowl for potential victims. They are slick, don't ever doubt it. Many of them have learned
from a sociopathic parent. They have had years to sharpen their skills of treachery. The ones I've known were cold, conniving and above all, superficial. I have sometimes described them as stupid, but I only say that because I had them figured out. Gullible people would certainly not call them stupid, they would tend to believe their slick talk and see them as very wise I suppose. Gullible people admire them. Sociopath's know what you like to hear.
They know your buttons and they will push your buttons if you push THEM. The narcissist pushes your buttons to humor or amuse themselves, but the sociopath seems to have more deliberate reasons for doing so. Sociopaths I've known are allergic to work but always expect someone else to take care of their needs because they feel "entitled" to it. They seem to come and go in a frenzy.
If you get wise to them, they won't stick around for long. There is nothing they detest more than the dupe that has transformed into a wise man and now has figured them out.
They see no reason to be in the presence of one they cannot con. If you happen to get stuck with a sociopath as a family member, you will most likely take their shenanigans until you are weary and then throw up your hands and declare you've had enough. They don't care if this happens as they always seem to find "greener pastures" elsewhere (at least for a time). I've known sociopaths that tend to prey on elderly relatives. In their warped psyche, they see that the elderly are often alone, very lonely, and tend to welcome anyone into their lives who will shower them with attention.
A Sociopath thinks nothing is wrong in conning their elderly mother or father. They don't wince at taking advantage of their own children. These human parasites have no conscience. I have often wondered IF when they lay down at night, they might have an infinitesimal amount of remorse, sadness, call it what you like. But if this were the case, their remorse grows wings and flies away because in the morning they are right back to their old stunts again.
They are game players and risk takers. We are objects to them. They attempt to maneuver us around like checkers or chess pieces on their board of life! What are they hoping to accomplish by this? Their own self-gratification: Getting their needs and dreams met. Whatever the sociopath's "god" is, that is what he or she will strive to extract by using YOU. If their "god" is money, they will focus their time and effort on those who have it. If their "god" is drugs, they will use whomever they can to get the drugs. If it is fame, they will try to hobnob and rub shoulders with the very ones who can assist them in claiming that fame. You have nothing to offer them? You won't be hassled by them.
But it always seems that when they are really down on their luck and have fallen on hard times, they will look you up again. This brings me to one of the most important parts of this article. If you have managed to get rid of the Sociopath in your life, but at a later date they call you, knock on your door, look you up, please do NOT respond to them in any manner. I have learned this only after having wasted years of my life thinking that they had changed and giving them another chance.
I was one who answered that phone, I opened my door more than once and all because I thought they had "changed" for the better. I was always disappointed.

Handle With Prayer:

During one very distressing time in my life in which I was observing a sociopath attempting to con a relative they had already bilked financially in the past, I had a revelation. I sought God about how to deal with the drama and potential devastation this person might cause in my family. Prayer and a long talk with God was my answer. I learned I could not sit around worrying over what the sociopath might do. I now saw this more as a "spiritual" matter than a mental or physical one. When I've been in the presence of a sociopath there was always something in me that made me cringe. I have to be honest, I felt fear. Intimidation is one of the sociopaths weapons in their arsenal and they wield it like crazy. You cannot stop the sociopath. You can keep alert and not pick up the phone or open your door to them. Other than these things, you must handle them with prayer. You must pray that God would take away the FEAR you have towards them. You must pray that God would strengthen you if you happen to have a run-in with these people. You must pray that God would keep his hand of protection over you and your loved ones. And even though most people believe that the Sociopath will not change, you must pray for their salvation. You must pray that somehow (and only God knows how) that they will STOP using and abusing people, that they would cease wreaking havoc and misery in the lives of other people. There has been much debate over whether the sociopath can turn from their wicked ways, repent, and receive salvation. So take that for what it's worth. They have to come to grips with what they have done to others and suffer remorse from it. This is a tall order for someone who is enamored with themselves and views the rest of us as "dupes". They must grow a conscience where there has been none! See what I mean by only God knows how this could ever come to pass? You must keep a watchful eye over those the sociopath is attempting to con and to prey on, especially the elderly. Understand now that I have never known a sociopath to change. Just because I have not, that does not mean that it has NEVER happened. This may seem as though I'm being naive, I'm not, I am just following the biblical principles that we are to "Pray for all men".

They remind me of a roaring lion (the devil) in the bible.
1 peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

The sociopath devours people if allowed to. They will take from easy targets and when they have bled them dry of finances, shelter, assets, they will move on without the slightest tinge of guilt about what they have done. Sociopaths don't miss you. They only miss what you have to offer them.
I always stress that if you have a sociopath in your family, you must stay away from them and if you cannot, watch your back. You will suffer lack due to their "needs". You will have drama, tears, no rest, and a mess on your hands. The sociopaths that I have known won't take a moment of their time to listen to you speak. When you might get a word in, they instantly deny and blame you. They will blatantly lie in order to get this accomplished. I think they know good and well that others around them DO have a conscience, that we DO care about others, (including them) and they use this to their advantage.
I've witnessed these people getting some kind of perverse kick out of using and abusing others. This goes back to what the bible says about them having pleasure in doing these dastardly deeds and in others who do them.

Are they Reprobates?
It is my belief that those who have a seared conscience (sociopaths and some narcissists) are indeed the reprobates we read about in the bible.

Someone who looks an awful lot like the Sociopath is described in Romans 1 of the New Testament:
28: And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30: Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31:Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

In the book of Timothy, we are once again seeing a reference to the "reprobate":
2 Timothy 3

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (did you catch that? they despise those who are good).
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

The following scripture reminds me not only of the Sociopath, but of the Narcissist as well. Isn't it amazing that we are given an adequate description of these blood suckers in the Bible?
1 Timothy 4:

1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

Finally, for those who feel I am too rough on the Sociopath, may I remind you that at any time they have had the ability to change their behavior but opted NOT to do so. When we mess up, when we sin, we are SORRY for the sin and attempt to make amends with those we have hurt. Does the sociopath do this? The ones I've known have denied, projected blame, and arrogantly walked away. These people attempt to sway others over to their "side" in smear campaigns against others. If you find yourself the target of a smear campaign, stand firm and understand that if those you love believe the lies of the sociopath, they never knew you in the first place and without them in your lives, you are better off. Who needs someone in their lives (even family members) if they choose to believe the blatant lies that come from a sociopath? Your family and friends who are swayed by the lies of the sociopath are only being mesmerized by the best actors on the planet today. In time, those who were conned will feel like idiots when the mask comes off from the monster. We can only hope and pray that this unmasking happens sooner rather than later.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree with all that you say related to sociopaths and am glad that I have found something from the bible that proves they exist. Unfortunately, I know (and have children with) a sociopath and no, you are being too harsh in this article. I equate their evil to that of a child molestor, which should help anyone reading that does not understand their destruction. These people are able to be evil and selfish in front of their children and to their children, so imagine how they are to everyone else. My ex-sociopath was sexually promiscuous(adults only I hope), unable to tell the truth, couldn't handle his own truth, physically violent, will bully even their mother, and Very disrespectful in anyway.They has no boundaries, morals, and not even mental list of things they should never do. Just as child molestors are corrupt for being attracted to children and yet are able to appear normal or hold down jobs, so is the sociopath. So believe it and beware. The verses in the bible that are listed in this article are very accurate to the lives sociopaths lead. My ex has a very long wrap-sheet to prove it.

cicowner said...

Anon, So sorry dear that you have to deal with your sociopath ex. As to them not being able to handle the truth, I can echo what you have said. Some I have tried to talk to would walk away and throw up their hand (as in "talk to the hand") As for the rap-sheets, two I know personally have wrap sheets as long as my arm and one of them has had warrants out for their arrest for many years, how he lays low is beyond me. It's unbelievable that he's been able to fly under the radar of law enforcement this long. Kudos to you staying strong for you and your child's sake. These people are very dangerous and that's where most people underestimate them.

Anonymous said...

Excellent piece that really drives home how a christian needs to handle an unrepentant sociopath/narcissist. A lot of sociopaths and narcissists like to play on christian's and even know (all too well, sometimes better than christians) verses from the Bible such as: 1 Cor 13:-48. Where love is: patient, kind, etc. etc. etc. But what they DON'T get is (and sadly what a lot of christians MISS about those 4 verses is), love does NOT tolerate many things. And that in 1 Cor 13:4-8, there is as many things love IS (4-to be exact), as it is NOT (4-to be exact). In other words - it shows us some biblical boundaries in dealing with these kinds of people.

jesse said...

This is the truth! The whole truth and nothing but the truth! my daughter is a sociopath - and i've cried my eyes out of her and had to turn her over to God to handle many many times or I would have doubted my own salvation! I can't lead her to Christ -she pretends and prays and then goes right back to lying and play her con games and is very vicious!
She charms my friends so they can't see her because they are not saved they believer her but I donn't i see right through her..game of who can i get to do it for me and then who can I blame!
thank you, you've encouraged me that i'm on the right track through prayer alone!!!

KatyO7 said...

My husband i believe has many traits of a sociopath.....He was adopted from a foundling home when he was four.The 1st year of his life he was in the hospital...and cried so much he had stomach problems..and surgery.My inlaws adopted him when he was 4, and they themselves were somewhat narcissistic.They had one biological child, and she was easy...so they favored her.We have two great kids, but they have had
their share of anger dealing with my husband leaving the family two years ago.Alot of people from church feel that he knows something is wrong, but will not get help. He did go for a psychological eval. with a top notch psychologist, which included an inkblot test, etc.The psychologist told us he needed to see a psychiatrist,he wouldn't go.He had a concusion 5 years ago and the doctor said he had some damage.That is when I saw a real drastic change in his behavior.Its hard for me to figure out what his real problems are...and I still need to deal with him...I have retained a lawyer...but he held back all support so the house would foreclose and we would go into bankruptcy.So the lawyer has said its a mess.His behavior has turned everything upside down. Could a judge make him go for eval?

Anonymous said...

I left my psych-path narcisstic husband three years ago with my two 9 yr. old daughters. They wanted me to leave and always wanted to be with me. After court cases and lawyers I got full custody of them and he had supervised visits after he attended an anger management class. I recently moved to another state and let the gils stay with him for the summer. Now they don't want to live with me anymore and are even lying about me to a Guardian Ad Litem as we are now going to a custody hearing this Friday. I know he has turned them against me and I am so distraught! Has anyone gone through a similar situation?

Anonymous said...

The gal that i am dating right now could possibly be stereo typed as one....but i also see her ex husband as one too, after researching it...but the reason i an begining to think she is because i have bailed her out financially, alot here lately(stupid me) and right after i did that she has cut off communication for almost 5 days now, she uses the excuse she has a eating disorder, which can be deadly but like i said before evertime i have bailed her out financially she drops out of site amd uses her eating disorder as an excuse i always hood up for her and protect her because i love her....when she comes back down to earth she acts like nothing is wrong, am i on to something here...any help would be appreciated

Anonymous said...

i was a widow. was introducedfive yr ago to a man through my family who say he is good to people. generous. fun. hardworking. good manager. w seemed to have a lot in common. he poured on the romanic gestures.in two months asked me to marry him. i said ask again in six months. he told me where he went to church how often who the minister was. we were working on my farm a tree fell on me. he took me to his house while i healed. i thought he was so sweet. we married ten months after meeting. within two months he was throwing jealous fits. turned out his church work was that he turned around in the parking lot when he delivered hay to a friend every other sunday. laughed at me. said he did not lie ti me i just assumed wrongly.he ridicules everyone we know behind their back. he takes from others if they will give but ges furious if accused of taking. conning people out of stuff delights him. he is not generous unless there is an advantage to him. he has received disability for many years but few knew it. he gets friends to help him then conveniently gets sick if they need help. when he ran off my siblings from my land nd threatened death i had enough. i have filed for separation of assets. he agred to terms but never signed the papers. he wont leave. keeps coming around. tells people i had a stroke cant be believed. he knows i didnt want to divorce d t religious convictions so has manipulated everyone till that is my only recourse. he is the good ol boy with everyone. few see what i know. i have tried not to antagonize him. i fear him. ometimes i think it would be easier just to drop everything cause he can be so good. then he will start again and i know i have to get out of this before he kills me or my family. how much is a woman supposed to endure. will God ever forgive me for a divorce. there is no adultery. just jealousy hate greed taking or destroying my and assets autos and needing more and more money to fix things always saying its for me. please everyone entering a relationship keep your ssets quiet. continue to take care of your own business without help or interference. go to church with them at their church and at yours. if something sounds too good to be true it probably is not true. do not make any changes in your business dealings because they ask or try to finagle you to do it. SPs are experts at manipulating. if i live through this i will never date again. BEWARE.

Anonymous said...

To those who have challenges with sociopaths. As it relates to courts issues know this. Sociopaths/psycopaths think rules and laws are for the weak. They like to challenge rules and laws because for them it is entertainment. They get a thrill for doing so. Remember that they are master manipulators and can twists these laws and rules to suit them. They don't put up a challenge to the laws and rules if it is likely for them to end up in jail. Jail makes them bored because there isn't enough to entertain them. However, they will go as far as they can in challenging rules and laws.

Sociopaths have the ability to con and manipulate lawyers, judges, psychologist, psychiatrist, ect and win easily. No wonder some many women cannot win court cases because psychos have twisted the minds of judges and lawyers to see things their way. Mental health professional end up agreeing with them in counselling sessions as the sociopath make you out to be the bad guy.

For those with court cases you need to get a lawyer with solid experience in dealing with sociopaths. For counselling to mend marriages you have to get a mental health pro who have experience in dealing with sociopaths manipulative tactics.

The website lovefraud.com has a listing of lawyer and mental health professionals who have experience in dealing those people. Also lovefraud.com is loaded with tons of valuable information about sociopaths. I have also read the book "Character Disturbance" The author Dr. Geroge Simon is an expert in helping sociopaths to change. He is also an expert in helping victims to deal with those evil persons.

What I have shared comes from my research into the topic of sociopath. I was the victim of a co-worker friend. I was conned, lied to, manipulated, used.

This person gave me a challenge recently. He owed me some money for over a month and kept giving me the run around when I asked for it. I know he would pay me back but in his own sweet time so in the meantime he gave me the challenge as entertainment to himself. Oh the tactics he played on me. I was reading the book "Character Disturbance" and learning a great deal about sociopaths and psychopaths at the time of his challenge. (People........knowledge is power.) Read as much as is possible about these people. Your knowledge will help you to deal with them. So one day last week I asked him for my money and as he was about to pull a tactic on me I told him to let me know by the end of the work day when he will pay me back.

When work was over he left without me seeing him. The next day up to mid-morning he said nothing about the money. I read from the book that one way to deal with them is to take their power from them because that is why the mess with us. It a power game to them. I confronted him by saying, "Where is my money?" As he was about to open his mouth with a lie I said, "yesterday evening you dodged me to avoid telling me about my money." As he was about to use lie to defend himself and mess with my mind I simply help up my hand and gave him the stop signal and walked away without looking at him. I headed back to my desk.

People, the money that took over a month to be paid over was given back to me in less than half an hour. I told him thanks then cut off communication and dealt with him only on a professional basis. They hate it when you confront them directly and take away their power. I knew from beforehand that he doesn't like to be seen as a theif. The manner in which I confronted him made him out clearly to be a theif. He was able to see the errors of his ways and do the right thing. Had I not done that then the challenge would still be on. Now that he has lost power points with me I now have the upper hand with him. I have no problem getting him to comply with rules because he now knows that I will challenge his tactics and sociopaths hate to lose or get exposed.

I hope this article helped. And remember to read a lot, it is to your own benefit.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

As both a Christian and one who fights strong sociopathic tendencies: yes, the sociopath can be saved. Not by you, though. Can they repent? Yes, I believe and pray so, otherwise I fear I'd be toast. Does this mean upon salvation the people around us suddenly become perfect, valuable, important snowflakes? In honesty (and this will probably make me sound like a Batman villain), no. The attitude towards other people stays the same. That's the kind of thing a person like me has to get on my knees and lift up every day. The parasitic lifestyle develops, and the initiative and drive it takes to get out of it is akin to everything I've ever read about trying to quit heroine. Does that make it right? No. I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

That being said, I can offer you this: have you ever been directly "yelled at" by the Lord? To the point where it frightens you a bit, and all you can do is apologize? Very little of what other people say about their hurt and feelings does much to convict a person like me. But when we get divinely scolded, it's a different story. I have worked and prayed to apologize and reconcile properly with the people I've stepped on, but mostly because I have fallen in love with Jesus Christ, and reconciliation and good conduct are what He asks of us, and I desire for Him to be pleased with me. Most times, it is with people I would just as soon ditch out on. But the love of Christ compels otherwise, and even though there may not be any real feeling of attachment or obligation to the fellow human being, repentance and change can be brought about by falling in love with the God who made that human being I've shafted. When David sins with Bathsheba, he goes on to say 'God, against You and You alone have I sinned!' This is more or less the thought process and emotion (for me, at least). But with constant prayer and by the conviction of Christ and Him alone (aka- not much that other ppl are gonna say), do I hope, pray and believe for the salvation of the sociopath.

Disclaimer: that doesn't mean I'm promoting the throwing of your pearls before swine. In my case I NEEDED to fail, and hit that personal rock-bottom where there WAS no one else BUT the Lord. THEN and ONLY then, was I willing to be what clay I could be. Jesus alone is the ONLY One with the patience, love, power, intimidation, and provision to route people like I often am onto Himself. He's the only One SUFFICIENT enough to deal with the sociopath. I'm not saying have pity on them. Contrary: be stong-armed and discerning and strict, the whole "tough love" thing. We need it, even if we don't like it.

And while there are many, many sites for the support and recuperation of the victims of sociopaths, can anyone recommend sites for reaching the offenders?

Anonymous said...

Hi There Anonymous!

It was so encouraging to read your entry. I know that the LORD Jesus is so pleased with you and that you are a powerful witness for His glory. I can see that He has put His own love in your heart, in order for you to be desirous of and emboldened to open up about your true perspective and hidden struggles. I know that the Bible says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven...Blessed are those who mourn [over their sin], for they will be comforted...Blessed are those hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (See Matthew 5). Likewise, it says that Christ IN US is the hope of glory, that He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world, that we overcome the "world", the flesh and the devil by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony. I'd like to encourage you by reminding you of what you already know...that you are an entirely new creation in Christ and that Christ Himself has already overcome our selfish, depraved nature, by His finished work on the Cross. We know that Christ has risen and is seated at the right hand of God, and He has been given all authority. He took our addictions when He wore the crown of thorns. Sin has been taken care of; removed from you and me. Romans 6:14 says "For sin shall not be your master, for you are not under law, but under grace", and that "we love because He first loved us". Your challenges are not unique. For help in recovery, I encourage you to continue beholding Christ, and He Himself will transform you into His own image, from glory to glory. Just as others are powerless to change us, we are powerless to change ourselves. Whenever you notice yourself falling short, don't think you're any different from others, because you're really not. And I encourage you not to be disappointed in yourself either, but to utilize those moments as springboards to a fresh view of the grace of God toward us, that Jesus' blood washed our entire life's slate clean, and God will never be angry at us again. I don't know you, but I love you! You have really touched my heart, and I can't wait to shake your hand in heaven. I know that God has great respect for you, and that He is pleased with the way He made you! And remember: Jesus' teeth were "set on edge" by the gall he drank to take away our generational curses, as it is written, "A father eats sour grapes and his children's teeth are set on edge". So, through God's redemptive justice, He destroyed the devil's works in us, bringing us back to His original intentions for us before the fall. We are not the devil's creation, we are God's creation, and we have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. Beloved, you do care about other people's feelings and you do think of what's best for others! You are already perfect! With Tenderest Love In Christ, Anonymous+

Anonymous said...

It may very helpful to read up on "Jezebel", in order to see how, even with "sociopaths", "our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (See Ephesians 6). Jezebel has been called a principality, comprised of four or five legs of wickedness; e.g., witchcraft (manipulation), idolatry, greed, etc. She brings out the Ahab in others, if they're not careful. That's why Ephesians 6:10-11 says to "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

I do pity the sociopath, like Jesus, when He prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Sociopaths don't understand that when they serve themselves, they have become Satan's dupes; his puppets. He is mercilessly using them to destroy God's creation, and he will drag them down to hell if they don't wise up. Yet the Bible says Jesus gives sight to the blind...I'm believing God for many sociopaths the world over to be saved. And once the devil's wiles have been exposed, the Bible says he must restore seven times what he took! For all of you who have been cheated by sociopaths, trust Abby Daddy to bring restoration to you, as overwhelming conquerors in Christ who are "the head only, and not the tail, above only and not beneath"! Father saw your oppression, and He is mindful of you! +

Anonymous said...

I would like to know does anyone have insight as to the 'root' spirit to bind when you are dealing with a sociopath. I am reading ' How To Try A Spirit.' By Mary Garrison It seems as though the sociopath has manifestations of many spirits.

Anonymous said...

That was an amazing article and your depiction of the sociopath is right on target. I was married to a sociopath for 19 years. I struggled trying to find validation in the Bible for needing to be freed from this nightmare. I had no other recourse but to rely upon 1 Timothy 5:8, "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Whether God judges me and sends me to purgatory for eternity, I really can not say, I could not continue to live in hell on Earth any longer with this deranged human being. I've started a facebook page and try to educate other, through articles such as this. Speaking only for myself, I believe the devil does walk amongst us and whether or not my sin of breaking the sacred vows of marriage are held against me, I will have to find out someday. Thank you again for taking time to write this article and bring this toxin to light.

sonny said...

18Anonymous GOD will not send you to hell for getting out of 19 years of wrong done to you. God doesn`t expect you to put yourself in harms way over a man like this. sp never change, never heard of one changing, they only lie and pretend to change, b/c they know people don`t know they can`t be helped. you did the right thing, he might have eventually killed you. i`ve studied these people an aweful long time and watched countless videos about them. they don`t change,and thearpy only makes them worse, thearpy teaches them how to better manipulate. Dr Robert Hare canadian doctor is the best in the world on these people,he`s the one that taught me about sp.

Anonymous said...

Psalm 109 was introduced to me as Davids prayer for Gods justice against this type of person. I have prayed for my ex now for 10 years...all my kindness has been met with scorn.

I believe the only thing that I have for the ex to want is a good name.. That isn't possible any longer so the goal is to ruin mine. Envy and jealousy rule their decisions.

Anonymous said...

Did you divorce your x because of his condition? If so, were you a Christian at the time?

Anonymous said...

I ran across this article just today, even though it was written more than 2 years ago. Our case with a sociopath has nearly ruined our lives. It's a woman in my husband's church; he was the pastor, she was a deacon's wife. A true sociopath down the line, she rallied the people in church with the most money, effectively starving us out by having people withhold offerings to the point where my husband's salary, and the salary of our assistant pastor, were not met. Then she, with her little group began to harass our children and we draw the line at our kids. My husband resigned and now we are unemployed and losing our home (we live in a parsonage).

There is no remorse on their part.

The lies are laughable, yet many have believed them. The church has MORE than split - 2 months ago it was 175 people and now it's down to 30 on a good Sunday.

Yet still no remorse on the part of our sociopath.

My word.

Thanks for posting this. I will never be abused in such a way again.

Right now, we are not even safe since we still live in the parsonage, right on church property, with no resources to move until my husband finds another job out of state. For that reason, I'm signing this anonymous, even though I hate that.

Anonymous said...

My family was drawn into a small pack of sociopaths at church. We were new and needing acceptance. They were takers, dividers, backbiters...it was awful. They were always talking about others through their smartphones DURING church service and choir practice, making fun of others and slamming the preacher. One of them is super charming; writes Christian music and is often on the praise team. The others seemed to worship her. The character of the 3 people matches sociopathic tendencies. When we questioned their actions and their motives about a certain, rather insignificant issue, they retaliated by lying, insulting, and then making snarky remarks on Twitter. Since we don't "tweet" I suppose they didn't think we would see it. But, on a random occasion we discovered it. We were mortified. Not they know that we "know." We need prayer and protection!

Anonymous said...

Wait, what do you besides prayer because my mom is a sociopath and I don't want to think it's better if I live with the grandparents and then let my dad divorce my mom. As much as my mom frustrates me, i'd like to think theres a way to make her stop being this way. Is there??? Is this it? Should my parents divorce because she's that bad to where I don't care at all if they do but should they or is there a way at all to make her stop being a sociopath.

Anonymous said...

IM MARRIED TO A SOCIAPATH..AND IM HAVING TO DEAL WITH SOOOO MUCH EMOTIONS...WE HAVE 3 KIDS TOGETHER..
AND HE'S LIED..CHEATED....HE'S VERBALLY ABUSIVE...AND I DON'T KNOW WHETER TO DIVORCE HIM OR STAND BY HIS SIDE..IM LOST AND CONFUSED...

Anonymous said...

To the poster who is married. I too was married for 20 years and struggled as a Christian about divorce. He fooled me and our pastor stating he was a Christian but once married, I wasn't even allowed to pray or read the bible unless in secret. He left a trail of destruction at every workplace and in our home.

You need to pray and education yourself - the books mentioned in the thread are excellent and so is The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Eleanor Payson .

I did choose to leave for the sake of our children. I would have left differently though because he escalated. They do not like losing control of the victims and will use the children and the court system against you.

He has attempted to gain sole custody numerous times and has yet to be successful but we are ending another custody trial. When involved in the court focus only on the welfare of your children. NEVER attempt (and this hard) to prove he's abusive, bad mouth him in any way, put anything assailing him in writing or any form. Always let your words be about the welfare of your children.

He will attack you and claim all kinds of lies about you as mother. Seek an attorney who understands this condition because if you seek to defend yourself (it has to be done VERY carefully) the judge and GAL and everyone involved will view you as the attacker. You end up looking like two parents in conflict and 70% of men get sole or joint custody even with proven abuse. Many women have lost custody to abusers and sociopaths. Julia Fletcher has a blog and there are many blogs and books about divorcing such men.

Neither choice will be easy. Staying does endanger children. Sam Vaknin on YouTube has videos. He is a sociopath and talks about the mind of one - it's knowledge straight from the mouth of one who is a sociopath. He covers all topics about the sociopath and how to deal with one.

There is risk in leaving but God is always in charge. Educate yourself and I can't emphasize this enough, put on the armor of God and and wait for His instruction. Read the books and blogs and PRAY. Connect with other women. Read the blogs written by the men who are sociopaths as they lay out the blueprints on how they take custody away from moms. You will know their tactics ahead of time.

You must have a plan (financial, emotional, spiritual, and understand how the court handles these divorces and they can go on for years -we're coming up on a decade of litigation which has decimated us on many levels, especially financially and emotionally but the same would have happened if I stayed.

My heart and prayers are with you. Satan is the author of confusion. Start reading everything you can get your hands on, talk to a forensic psychiatrist who understands sociopathy, and draw close to God. Whether you stay or leave you will continue to be in a spiritual battle and you must protect your children at all costs. There is a war for their lives and your's. But you belong to God and He is the King of Kings.

Anonymous said...

There's a great book for Christians about how to deal with life after being hurt by a Sociopath.

Christians and Sociopaths.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/christians-and-sociopaths-rev-cj-conner/1115426350?ean=9781489570819

Anonymous said...

Please pray for me I have a sister in law who is a sociopath, she also practices witchcraft and bullies me; also, she is jealous of me. She has turned my mother against me. I've been grieving for years over this. For some reason she can get away with her ways my brother is too weak to stand up to her.

Tammy Lynn said...

To the lady with two 9 year old daughters.......wow ...if your husband gets them they will not only be raised without morals but they will be taught to live an evil nature and risk becoming sociopaths themselves(they cannot comprehend sociopaths or being manipulated by a loved one so...) they are also in danger of living reckless lifestyles with addiction. Similar thing happened to my girls.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that I found this site!!!!

I was married for 15 years (together total 19) to a man and wasn't quite sure what was off about him. Not until I left with my 3 year old and my 2 year old twin daughters. Now, 8 years later, over 80 court appearances, 2 730 Evaluations, thou$and$ of dollars in legal fees, CPS involvement and the list goes on and on. Lies, manipulation, control issues, mental and physical abuse...

Dealing with a sociopath and narcisist... It has been just a nightmare! After both 730 evaluations ( for custody of the girls) my ex had custody reduced. He was described to a tee as a sociopath and narcisist.

The above posts are EXCELLENT and I agree that the harder I tried to have the judge, therapists and "Special Master" to acknowledge his irratic, reckless and dangerous lifestyle, I was viewed as the controling one even though all was documented...

The most heartbreaking thing, through threats, manipulation and intimidation, my daughters still visit him. I went against the courts recommendation and agreed to give him more custody than originally written in the order becasue I wanted to do the right thing.

It has been and STILL is very difficult as the girls have seen his (and his girlfriends and ex-wife) behavior and bizarre tendancies and refusing to visit for periods of time. The girls are very stable and have a solid walk with Christ as they are showing some definite signs of fruit in their lives. It has been a very difficult journey and I anticipate that it is not going to lighten up any time soon as his games (and now his live-in girlfriend's) are relentless.

Thanks everyone for sharing and praying for each other. <3

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I found this.

My best friend is a sociopath (I think). Well, she probably is. She hates other people and hates the world (she said this herself to me) and she has no compassion for those in suffering, unless it is something extremely serious, like children being killed or molested. But if, for example, an adult person got murdered, she would say they probably deserved it somehow. She also loves very graphic violence. The only sympathy she seems to have is towards fictional characters. She has actually made a comment about how she wishes she were a sociopath so that she could do anything without even a shred of remorse. I do not even know how to argue with her about this. Either she already is a sociopath and is hiding it, or she's definitely well on her way to becoming one. She enjoys making fun of people and says she doesn't need friends except for "entertainment" purposes. I don't know if she really even cares about me or just pretends to so that she can still have me for "entertainment." I just know that she wasn't always like this. She was very kind and sweet in elementary school, but I think the way that she responded to a lot of bullying she received warped her considerably. She is quick to point out others' weaknesses and plays off of them. I really believe her sociopathic tendencies have simply escalated from before. Her father, from what she tells me, resembles a number of sociopath traits himself, and her parents are divorced. From personal experience, I know her mother is much more conscientious than her, as well as her sister, but their mother suffers from PTSD.

And to think, during my depression, I was close to drifting into such antisocial and selfish behaviours myself. Thanks be to the Lord for saving me before that (and saving me from my depression, too).

I really need to arm myself in responding to my friend. I am grieving over the fact that I let her drift so far already without thinking about it, and I pray for her salvation. I am seriously considering distancing myself from her. I cannot convince her to change on my own. Only God can do that. All I can do is pray.

Thank you for this post. God bless.

Anonymous said...

I just finished reading this post and I am so grateful for it. I have been praying for direction from God. Maybe this posting is His answer to my prayer.

I have been dealing with a sociopath sister, her daughter, and a dying father for the last 3 years. I had been living with him and trying to work and take care of him as well. He had fallen several times and finally broke his hip, had to have surgery and physical therapy. I was simply worn out. I asked my sister to move in with us to help with Dad. My sister is an RN and I thought how wonderful it was that she agreed to help us.

When Dad was in the hospital once again, he gave my sister one of his credit cards to use to pick up his medicine from the pharmacy. She started loading up her basket and I thought, "well she must need some things too". Then I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She put all of her purchases on his credit card. I called her out for doing that and she responded "I've waited all of my life for this moment!" I couldn't believe it. For three years she lived off of his credit cards and drained his checking account. Poor Daddy! He tried to stand up to her, but then she started over medicating him.
Yes, I called Adult Protective Services and, of course, she lied and used that "charm" those sociapaths have, and they believed her. She got so angry about me calling that she started ranting "who called APS on me!!! I would have worried, "what am I doing wrong that someone would think that they needed to call APS?" I took notes to validate the times and issues when I would call APS. I tried telling Dad's attorney what she was doing and asked him to help my father. She was successful in conning him. She started agitating and alienating Dad against me. I moved out after 2 years. By then I couldn't sleep, my hair was falling out and I thought I would lose my mind. I thought "if she would drug her own father, what would she do to me?" I was terribly afraid of her!!
Eventually, she conned him into changing his will 3-4 times. I kept telling her that I would take her to court, so she had him "gift" her his home. She put her name on his checks, which Daddy would have never approved of. My sister has never handled money well and has always been broke. Bill collectors called her constantly. She had him sign his power of attorney and medical decision making authority over to her, exclusively.

Daddy died Dec. 30th. She called me to go to the funeral home with her "because we needed to make those choices TOGETHER." By then I knew that she had planned on me paying for his funeral. I declined the offer to join her. Of course, she had NO money and her sons had to charge Daddy's funeral expenses on THEIR credit cards. She didn't even have enough respect for Daddy to have him cremated, which he had expressly stated on numerous occasions.

At the funeral home, before we went to the burial, she hugged me, to suggest that she was comforting me. While she embraced me, she whispered in my ear, "I got tired of hearing him gurgle so I went upstairs to sleep and when I woke up, he was dead."

Thank you for allowing me to share some of my story with you. At last, someone will finally believe me.

God bless you!!

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone...

I just wanted to get this out- and I'm hoping that maybe this will bring someone courage, because this is my testimony. I hope no one scolds me or thinks I'm crazy. (here it goes) I grew up in a Christian home, I didn't really sincerely give my life to Christ until I was twelve years old. (before I go on, you must realize something) ever since I was below the age of twelve, I had many, many, many problems, problems that you would never suspect a twelve year old to have. And they are so nasty that I don't want to mention them because I now have to live with un-imaginable guilt BUT by the Grace of God I can manage. I wouldn't feel guilty about anything that I would do- I believe that I was a sociopath; I know I used to lie all the time just to "wrap people around my finger" I loved the feeling of deceiving people into getting my own way and I was good at it too, and I hurt my friend all the time in the process. I also was suicidal, I tried suicide (not because I hated myself) but just because- I know that sounds REALLY WEIRD! And I agree with you! There was one time (the last time I tried it) I heard these words: "No!" I tried to move my hand, to go through with it; but I could not. I knew that was God, and I look back thinking of my "childhood" and I realize that I was never alone. I realize today that God has always been there with me, and he is the one who gave me a conscience. He is the reason I live today, and I'm alive- he is my life, and It's amazing to think that he could change and care for someone like me! And I wanted to encourage all of you who have a loved one who is a sociopath to never stop praying for them. Because God can change even the worse and darkest of hearts! Don't try to "play along" with the sociopath, just look at them as normal people who need the Lord! Because Jesus is the only way! Thank you for reading and listening! And bearing with me until the end of my story.

Anonymous said...

I have come to the conclusion that my daughter my be a sociopath. She is now 22.
I love The Lord and as a believer when my daughter started to rebel, I thought this was just teenage rebellion. I didn't want to believe how serious things were and made excuses for her. It was because she had learning difficulties or it was because she had an auditory processing problem and couldn't understand properly. She pushed the boundaries to the extreme. She was so good at lying and deceiving us as parents. If she couldn't get her own way we were made to feel as if we were the ones at fault and being controlling.
At church she was a charmer and people had no idea of her other side.
She left home the first time in a rage because I wouldn't agree that it's ok to sleep with a guy outside of a loving marriage. She ended up with a severe drinking problem. We took her in as she got very ill one day. She had been a prostitute and had an encounter with Jesus when she had been ill. We picked her up and she stayed with us for 6 months. She took the step of baptism as she was doing some bible studies with me. She has now left home again angry as I found she had used my video card without permission to take out DVD's. She had told her younger sister not to tell me.
She made out it was all my fault and at church it is very difficult for me as I wonder what she has told others. I have told no one except the youth pastor as it is not something you can share. She comes to see us occasionally and says she has been going to church. We keep praying for her and know that her salvation is in God's hands. He made her and is her good shepherd. He is able and we believe it is a good thing she has left as her transformation will be because God has done it and people will give him the glory. My husband and I can see that the battle is not flesh and blood but against powers in the heavenly places.
We have so much to be thankful for as she now has a proper job and we can see that God has begun a good work in her. We would appreciate prayer for her as she has a long way to go as we all do!
The Lord gave my husband and myself a very real burden to pray for her. Often I would be up in the early hours of the morning pouring out my heart to him for her. It has been a real time of learning for us too. This experience has brought me closer to Jesus and I can see how prayer is a very real battle, although the battle is the Lord's. We have the privilege of praying and lifting our loved one's to him and Jesus delights to do the impossible.
In our experience for what it's worth let The Lord teach us as parents to pray,pray and pray.

Anonymous said...

I've been married to a sociopath for 15 years and in the process of a divorce I have a 13 and 11 year old with him. The abuse started a year after we were married with him lying to me about things I confronted him with and he would tell me I was crazy and I needed to be put in a mental institution. Then it started to get physically abusive when he wouldn't get his way. When I was pregnant with both kids he would push me down on the ground and up against the walls and once thru the shower door. When I was pregnant with our second child he had an affair with my best friend of 15 years. I found out when our son was a year. He lied and always changed his stories about what took place during the two year affair. Once he threw me across the back yard over and over again. Another time he kicked me in the ribs and either separated them or broke them. He threw me off the bed in a hotel room and sat on me while pounding my head against the floor until I couldn't breathe. Another time he had a loaded gun and put it to my head and pulled the trigger. I filed for divorce and he played the victim and turned my 18 year old son against me along with his girlfriend and his family making them believe I was the crazy one. So many more things but I stayed with him because my children were so young ( 1 and 3 ) at the time and I didn't want to put them in daycare but to raise them in a family. I thought I could absorb all of it and give them a good childhood. They had a pretty normal life while I was sacrificing mine but now he is manipulating my 13 year old daughter buying her everything she could possibly want and playing Dad for the first time in years involved in school, and activities. He has a girlfriend and sneaks in late and also goes out of town lying and saying he has meetings. The only thing he pays for me now is my gas and won't even let me do the grocery shopping. He's turning all the friends we know against me with his very charming and manipulative personality. Everyone thinks he's just wonderful and a great dad with the exception of a few of my friends who have seen it first hand. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Can someone suggest anything?? I've never met anyone like this man in my life!

Anonymous said...

Sociopaths don't change. I know people want to believe they can, but that's like trying to change your race. It's what they are. They may toe the line for a while to make you think that they have, but eventually their true nature will come through. You can't change them. You can't fix them. If you love them, that is just an avenue for them to exploit. Their promises mean nothing. Once you figure out what they are, sever all contact and get away. They will take advantage and abuse you for as long as you let them into your lives. It will only stop when either one of you dies or they figure out that they can't fool you anymore no matter what they do. It's especially painful when they're your children or parents. You want to believe that they love you, but they're not capable of that and never will be. They have the empathy and compassion of a virus. Take it from someone who has spent entirely too much time with them and has the scars to prove it; and cut as much contact as possible with them once you realize what they are. They are not ill as illness can be treated and possibly cured. They are the base definition of evil and there is nothing that can be done to fix them. Once again, get away and stay away from them or you will ultimately regret it.

Tammy Lynn said...

Beautifully said.My 13 year old has the scars yet stll believes him.Pray for us please.