I got a phone call recently from a family member who has struggled with drug addiction all of her life. She was back in the hospital due to her body breaking down from years of drug use. Every talk I had with her in the past, all the begging, pleading, angry feelings and sadness I had in the previous years fled away as I listened to the fear in her voice. My fear at this point is that once again she will check herself out of hospital against medical advice. Those we love who are held in the grip of drug addiction tear at out heartstrings and take us for a very sad ride. I have and will again do everything I can for her. I've never abandoned her and I won't now. I am planning to visit but I am NOT planning on giving her a stern talking to on the subject of how the drugs are destroying her. I have done all of this before. A few years ago I finally got to the place where I got out of God's way and stopped enabling her. In order for an addict to get clean (or not) it is their choice and the first thing we must do is step aside. Let them fall without us there begging, yelling, freaking out, and at our wit's end. I admit it is scary to let them go. It's scary to trust in God and get our hands and heart out of the equation. When I say our "hearts" out of the equation I don't mean we stop loving them, I only mean that we MUST have distance at this time for their sakes to allow them to fall without reaching out to stop or ease that plunge they are sooner or later bound to take. I am very afraid of losing her. I don't want her to die. I see it as such a waste if it takes her life in order for her to chase her next high. But here's what God has said to me regarding that:
God told me that we all must ALLOW THE TESTS in the lives of those we love. He has given all of us FREE WILL and whatever comes of this will be of her own doing and by her own hand. There, I said it. Simple huh? No, not quite. All my life I have wanted to have some control over helping those I love in order for them to be ok. This is a control issue that I am dealing with and am much better than I used to be. So here's what I've decided... I will allow my loved one's test. I will love her and be there for her. I will not preach at her or scold her. If I did, it would only be repeating what she ALREADY knows and has heard from me many times before. Please keep this loved one of mine in your prayers, she is very special to me.
